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Worries.

Posted 23:03 CET Tuesday January 5th, 2010 (66 days ago). 283 views. 2 comments. Tagged with 100 Things, One-liners, Personal.

This is one of the hardest entries I’ve ever written. Not because I took a deep dive into the darkest hollow of my consciousness and roamed around in the dirt. I didn’t. Nor is it much dirt down there, thank you very much. No, writing this entry was hard because I had a lot of thoughts in my head I believed was rather clever and I had some serious problems getting them all out of there in a somewhat comprehensible manner that didn’t make me sound like an a) total asshole, b) total moron or c) both. It was particularly hard to do it in English. I considered writing the entry in Norwegian for a while, but then I decided I was up for the challenge.

Did I succeed? We’ll see.

As a kid I used to worry about a lot of things. I can’t really remember exactly what I used to worry about, but I do remember that it was a lot. Because of this, my stomach hurt most of the time. I was a shy, timid kid, a bit afraid of most stuff that was not familiar to me. Why I was like this, I don’t know. It might have been because I was also a short and skinny kid, mostly hanging out with people who was a couple of years older than me. Not the alpha male of the pack, to put it that way.

One event I remember* in particular was when me and my mother was visiting someone at the local hospital. I asked her for some candy, a box of the good old Stupedama to be precise. Sure, I could get a box, on one condition: That I went over and bought it myself. But there was no way in hell I could get myself to do that. I wanted the candy, but I was just afraid to buy it myself. I can’t remember if I eventually bought the box or if I got any candy in the end, but I remember the feeling when my mother asked me to buy it myself. Continue reading "Worries." →

New one-liners.

Posted 22:20 CET Friday October 23rd, 2009 (140 days ago). 192 views. 3 comments. Tagged with One-liners, Site News.

It’s been a while since I added new one-liners, but here are a few:

• “Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.” — Henry Ford
• Let’s play carpenter, first we get hammered, then I nail you.
• I have a drinking problem – the bars close at 2 AM.
• If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
• If you find a path with no obstacles, it probably leads nowhere.
• I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
• Don’t look unless you’re prepared to see.
• What has been seen cannot be unseen.

If you often venture the internet, you should pay particular attention to the last two. Be careful when you click those links…

New One-Liners.

Posted 21:06 CET Sunday June 29th, 2008 (1 year, 256 days ago). 6 comments. Tagged with One-liners, Site News.

It’s long overdue, but here’s a few additions to the one-liners list.

• It’s not whether you win or lose, it’s how you look when you play the game.
• Monday is the root of all evil.
• Does the noise in my head bother you?
• It’s better to be a well-known drunk that to be an anonymous alcoholic.
• Time flies like a bullet. Fruit flies like a banana.
• A smoking section in a restaurant is like a peeing section in a pool.
• Canis meus it comedit. My dog ate it.
• “If I misbehave and nobody sees me, that’s one less lie I’ll have to tell later.” – Dave Dunseath
• Software is just like sex. One mistake and you end up giving lifetime support.
• Hard work never killed anyone but why risk it?
• Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
• If at first you do succeed try not to look astonished.
• To err is human, to arr is pirate.
• “In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.” – Charles, Count Talleyrand
• I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
• Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
• I used to be indecisive but I am not sure anymore.
• Honk if you like peace and quiet.
• “Everybody has a plan, ’till they get hit.” – Mike Tyson
• To err is hunam.
• If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would ever get done.
• Don’t follow me, I’m lost too.
• To be is to do – Socrates, To do is to be – Sartre, Do be do be do – Sinatra
• I’m not mentally ill, I just have a problem with reality.
• I don’t care who you are! Get those reindeers off my roof!
• I’m busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
• I need someone really bad! Are you really bad?
• Living healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which you can die.
• Whatever happens, ignore it all.
• Blondes may have more fun, but brunettes remember it the next day.

July One-Liners.

Posted 18:49 CET Thursday July 26th, 2007 (2 years, 230 days ago). 114 views. 4 comments. Tagged with Humor, One-liners.

Not that many additions to the one-liners in July:

• I only drink to make other people more sociable.
• You don’t learn anything the second time a mule kicks you.
• Vidi, vici, veni. I saw, I conquered, I came.
• “Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck.” – Joss Whedon
• I’m not crazy, but the voices in my head might be.

I like the last one in particular.

June One-Liners.

Posted 19:39 CET Monday June 18th, 2007 (2 years, 268 days ago). 90 views. 5 comments. Tagged with One-liners, Site News.

Here’s the list of June’s additions to the one-liners listing:

• “In mathematics you don’t understand things. You just get used to them.” — Johann von Neumann
• Marriage is grand; divorce, a hundred grand.
• Only users loose drugs.
• “Great thinkers have always encountered opposition from mediocre minds.” — Albert Einstein
• Whoever said nothing was impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.
• I’m trying to see things from your point of view, but I can’t get my head that far up your ass.
• There is no such thing as a stupid question, just stupid people who ask questions.
• You laugh at me because I’m different. I laugh at you because you’re all the same.
• If at first you don’t succeed; call it version 1.0.

As usual I got a few new one-liners by e-mail, in particular after the listing was featured on I Am Bored. I was looking at my Google Analytics reports and noticed a large visitor spike on June 11, when the number of visitors to the site was about twenty times the normal number. From I Am Bored, the link spread to a few similar sites. In the last month, the one-liners listing has received about 74% of the total number of visitors to the site. It’s interesting when a tiny part of the site becomes the main attraction.