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New One-liners.

Posted 12:53 CET Thursday May 13th, 2010 (113 days ago). 609 views. 3 comments. Tagged with One-liners.

Over the last couple of months I’ve silently added new one-liners without letting you know. What a dick! Every now and then I also get e-mails with new suggestions for one-liners, but most of them are, how should I put this… not that good. But a couple of days ago, I got a long list of great ones from one Simon Elms. Here are the ones I added to the one-liners collection:

• Linux is only free if your time is worthless.
• “The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.” – James Branch Cabell
• “Life is a sexually transmitted disease” – R. D. Laing
• If you take something away from users, they’ll sneak it in the back way.
• “Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from a religious conviction.” – Blaise Pascal
• “Patience has its limits – take it too far and its cowardice.” – George Jackson
• “I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it.” – Pablo Picasso
• Old ideas got that way because they proved useful.
• It always takes longer and costs more to fix it later.
• Faster hardware doesn’t solve business problems – unless the business problem is slow hardware.
• Systems aren’t made from metaphors, paradigms and methodologies. They’re made from code, wires and hardware.
• “Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” – Leo Tolstoy
• “Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.” – Kin Hubbard
• “Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live” – Damian Conway
• “The computer was born to solve problems that did not exist before.” – Bill Gates
• “A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.” – Emo Philips
• “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.” – Mark Twain
• It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.
• “Both optimists and pessimists contribute to society. The optimist invents the airplane, the pessimist invents the parachute.” – George Bernard Shaw
• “I can resist everything except temptation.” – Oscar Wilde
• “You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” – Winston Churchill
• “It’s not enough that we do our best; sometimes we have to do what’s required.” – Winston Churchill
• “Physics is like sex. Sure, it may give some practical results, but that’s not why we do it.” – Richard Feynman
• “I don’t care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.” – Groucho Marx
• “I intend to live forever, or die trying.” – Groucho Marx
• “It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” – Woody Allen
• “Any fool can know. The point is to understand.” – Albert Einstein
• “It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.” – Albert Einstein
• “The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.” – Albert Einstein
• “You may delay, but Time will not.” – Benjamin Franklin
• “Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.” – Isaac Asimov
• “The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not ‘Eureka!’, but ‘That’s funny …’” – Isaac Asimov
• “Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” – Isaac Asimov
• “There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don’t believe this to be a coincidence.” – Jeremy S. Anderson
• “Look to the future, because that is where you’ll spend the rest of your life.” – George Burns
• Resistance isn’t futile, it’s voltage divided by amperage.
• “Two possibilities exist: Either we are alone in the Universe or we are not. Both are equally terrifying.” – Arthur C. Clarke
• Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Worries.

Posted 23:03 CET Tuesday January 5th, 2010 (241 days ago). 694 views. 3 comments. Tagged with 100 Things, One-liners, Personal.

This is one of the hardest entries I’ve ever written. Not because I took a deep dive into the darkest hollow of my consciousness and roamed around in the dirt. I didn’t. Nor is it much dirt down there, thank you very much. No, writing this entry was hard because I had a lot of thoughts in my head I believed was rather clever and I had some serious problems getting them all out of there in a somewhat comprehensible manner that didn’t make me sound like an a) total asshole, b) total moron or c) both. It was particularly hard to do it in English. I considered writing the entry in Norwegian for a while, but then I decided I was up for the challenge.

Did I succeed? We’ll see.

As a kid I used to worry about a lot of things. I can’t really remember exactly what I used to worry about, but I do remember that it was a lot. Because of this, my stomach hurt most of the time. I was a shy, timid kid, a bit afraid of most stuff that was not familiar to me. Why I was like this, I don’t know. It might have been because I was also a short and skinny kid, mostly hanging out with people who was a couple of years older than me. Not the alpha male of the pack, to put it that way.

One event I remember* in particular was when me and my mother was visiting someone at the local hospital. I asked her for some candy, a box of the good old Stupedama to be precise. Sure, I could get a box, on one condition: That I went over and bought it myself. But there was no way in hell I could get myself to do that. I wanted the candy, but I was just afraid to buy it myself. I can’t remember if I eventually bought the box or if I got any candy in the end, but I remember the feeling when my mother asked me to buy it myself. Continue reading "Worries." →

New one-liners.

Posted 22:20 CET Friday October 23rd, 2009 (315 days ago). 495 views. 3 comments. Tagged with One-liners, Site News.

It’s been a while since I added new one-liners, but here are a few:

• “Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.” — Henry Ford
• Let’s play carpenter, first we get hammered, then I nail you.
• I have a drinking problem – the bars close at 2 AM.
• If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
• If you find a path with no obstacles, it probably leads nowhere.
• I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
• Don’t look unless you’re prepared to see.
• What has been seen cannot be unseen.

If you often venture the internet, you should pay particular attention to the last two. Be careful when you click those links…

New One-Liners.

Posted 21:06 CET Sunday June 29th, 2008 (2 years, 66 days ago). 6 comments. Tagged with One-liners, Site News.

It’s long overdue, but here’s a few additions to the one-liners list.

• It’s not whether you win or lose, it’s how you look when you play the game.
• Monday is the root of all evil.
• Does the noise in my head bother you?
• It’s better to be a well-known drunk that to be an anonymous alcoholic.
• Time flies like a bullet. Fruit flies like a banana.
• A smoking section in a restaurant is like a peeing section in a pool.
• Canis meus it comedit. My dog ate it.
• “If I misbehave and nobody sees me, that’s one less lie I’ll have to tell later.” – Dave Dunseath
• Software is just like sex. One mistake and you end up giving lifetime support.
• Hard work never killed anyone but why risk it?
• Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
• If at first you do succeed try not to look astonished.
• To err is human, to arr is pirate.
• “In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.” – Charles, Count Talleyrand
• I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
• Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
• I used to be indecisive but I am not sure anymore.
• Honk if you like peace and quiet.
• “Everybody has a plan, ’till they get hit.” – Mike Tyson
• To err is hunam.
• If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would ever get done.
• Don’t follow me, I’m lost too.
• To be is to do – Socrates, To do is to be – Sartre, Do be do be do – Sinatra
• I’m not mentally ill, I just have a problem with reality.
• I don’t care who you are! Get those reindeers off my roof!
• I’m busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
• I need someone really bad! Are you really bad?
• Living healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which you can die.
• Whatever happens, ignore it all.
• Blondes may have more fun, but brunettes remember it the next day.

July One-Liners.

Posted 18:49 CET Thursday July 26th, 2007 (3 years, 40 days ago). 454 views. 4 comments. Tagged with Humor, One-liners.

Not that many additions to the one-liners in July:

• I only drink to make other people more sociable.
• You don’t learn anything the second time a mule kicks you.
• Vidi, vici, veni. I saw, I conquered, I came.
• “Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck.” – Joss Whedon
• I’m not crazy, but the voices in my head might be.

I like the last one in particular.