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Here are February’s additions to the one-liners collection.

• “A lie told often enough becomes the truth.” — Vladimir Lenin
• “Can a nation be free if it oppresses other nations? It cannot.” — Vladimir Lenin
• “Common sense is not so common.” — Voltaire
• “Every man is guilty of all the good he did not do.” — Voltaire
• “I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m on my way.” — Voltaire
• “I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.” — W. C. Fields
• “I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do to it.” — W. C. Fields
• “It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.” — W. C. Fields
• “Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!” — W. C. Fields
• “Price is what you pay. Value is what you get.” — Warren Buffett
• “Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.” — Will Rogers
• “Thought is free.” — William Shakespeare
• “A conservative is a man who sits and thinks. Mostly sits.” — Woodrow Wilson
• “If you want to make enemies, try to change something.” — Woodrow Wilson
• “To you I’m an atheist; to God, I’m the loyal opposition.” — Woody Allen
• “Cut my pie into four pieces, I don’t think I could eat eight.” — Yogi Berra
• “There are no traffic jams on the extra mile.” — Zig Ziglar
• I would rather tell you one truth you don’t like than to tell you a hundred lies you do like.

A new  year is upon us and the one-liners just keep coming.

• “I don’t need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me.” — Stephen Fry
• “Design is not just what it looks like and feels like. Design is how it works.” — Steve Jobs
• “Innovation distinguishes between a leader and a follower.” — Steve Jobs
• “Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.” — Steven Wright
• “All warfare is based on deception.” — Sun Tzu
• “Opportunities multiply as they are seized.” — Sun Tzu
• “Knowing what’s right doesn’t mean much unless you do what’s right.” — Theodore Roosevelt
• “The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.” — Theodore Roosevelt
• “When you’re at the end of your rope, tie a know and hold on.” — Theodore Roosevelt
• “Hell, there are no rules here – we’re trying to accomplish something.” — Thomas Alva Edison
• “I never did a day’s work in my life. It was all fun.” — Thomas Alva Edison

You might have noticed that I’ve been trying to add new one-liners to the collection at the beginning of every month. Here’s a quick Christmas bonus for you enjoyment:

• I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
• Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
• Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
• A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
• My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
• Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
• When in doubt, mumble.
• Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.
• I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
• You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
• A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
• Haikus are easy. But sometimes they don’t make sense. Refrigerator.
• Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.
• To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential.
• People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.
• Materialism: Buying things we don’t need with money we don’t have to impress people that don’t matter.
• The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.
• Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems…but then again, neither does milk.
• The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.
• What if there were no hypothetical questions?
• True friendship comes when the silence between two people is comfortable.
• A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
• Whose idea was it to put an “S” in the word “lisp”?
• Be careful of your thoughts, they may become words at any moment.
• The farther away the future is, the better it looks.
• This isn’t an office. It’s hell with fluorescent lighting.
• My drinking team has a bowling problem.

Here are the December additions to the one-liners collection.

• “I’d like to live as a poor man with lots of money.” — Pablo Picasso
• “Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone.” — Pablo Picasso
• “The purpose of art is washing the dust of daily life off our souls.” — Pablo Picasso
• “To copy others are necessary, but to copy oneself is pathetic.” — Pablo Picasso
• “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.” — Plato
• “It is only the dead who have seen the end of war.” — Plato
• “Love is a serious mental disease.” — Plato
• “I’m not a genius. I’m just a tremendous bundle of experience.” — R. Buckminster Fuller
• “There’s nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it’s going to be a butterfly.” — R. Buckminster Fuller
• “For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson
• “Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money.” — Robin Williams
• “Have no fear of perfection – you’ll never reach it.” — Salvador Dali
• “When inspiration does not come to me, I go  halfway to meet it.” — Sigmund Freud
• “I am not an Athenian, nor a Greek, but a citizen of the world.” — Socrates
• “When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser.” — Socrates

Here are November’s additions to the one-liners collection, without attributions this time.

• They call our language mother tongue, because the father seldom gets to speak.
• Age has its advantages. Too bad I can’t remember what they are.
• College is a fountain of knowledge…and the students are there to drink.
• If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
• Nothing makes a person more productive than the last minute.
• The major cause of auto wrecks is a screw loose in the nut behind the wheel.
• Whenever my wife sings I have to go outside. Not to get away from her, but to prove to my neighbors I’m not beating her.
• There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and real estate listings.
• An economist is someone who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today.
• The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
• Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
• Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
• Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
• Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
• We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
• Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
• Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
• If sex is a pain in the ass, then you’re doing it wrong.
• How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
• The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
• The sole purpose of a child’s middle name, is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.
• The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
• Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
• He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
• I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
• There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.
• When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
• A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist.
• Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.