www.vegard.net

June One-Liners.

Posted 19:39 CET Monday June 18th, 2007 (3 years, 78 days ago). 300 views. 5 comments. Tagged with One-liners, Site News.

Here’s the list of June’s additions to the one-liners listing:

• “In mathematics you don’t understand things. You just get used to them.” — Johann von Neumann
• Marriage is grand; divorce, a hundred grand.
• Only users loose drugs.
• “Great thinkers have always encountered opposition from mediocre minds.” — Albert Einstein
• Whoever said nothing was impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.
• I’m trying to see things from your point of view, but I can’t get my head that far up your ass.
• There is no such thing as a stupid question, just stupid people who ask questions.
• You laugh at me because I’m different. I laugh at you because you’re all the same.
• If at first you don’t succeed; call it version 1.0.

As usual I got a few new one-liners by e-mail, in particular after the listing was featured on I Am Bored. I was looking at my Google Analytics reports and noticed a large visitor spike on June 11, when the number of visitors to the site was about twenty times the normal number. From I Am Bored, the link spread to a few similar sites. In the last month, the one-liners listing has received about 74% of the total number of visitors to the site. It’s interesting when a tiny part of the site becomes the main attraction.

May One-liners.

Posted 22:16 CET Wednesday May 16th, 2007 (3 years, 111 days ago). 206 views. No comments. Tagged with Humor, One-liners.

A few more one-liners were added today:

• Everyone leaves the world a little better – some by leaving.
• “Never waste a lie when the truth will do.” – Jack Clancy
• Trying is failing with honors.
• Never interrupt your enemy while they are making a mistake.
• Send lawyers, guns and money!
• Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
• If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably
  worth it.
• No one dies a virgin, life screws them all.
• There are two types of people – those who divide people into two types, and those who don’t.
• There are three types of people – those who can count and those who can’t.
• 99% of lawyers are giving the rest a bad name.
• Between two evils always pick the one you haven’t tried.
• Hey Santa, how much for your list of naughty girls?
• Optimist: Someone without much experience.
• The Stock Market always does what you think it will, but rarely when.
• “Stupidity, if left untreated, is self-correcting.” – Heinlein
• The problem with the future is it turns into the present.
• No life is totally wasted, one can always be a bad example.
• Welcome to Hell. Here’s your copy of Windows ME.
• Criminal Lawyer – a redundant phrase.
• Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.
• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
• Half the people you know are below average.
• if we don’t protect freedom of speech, we will never know who the assholes are.

I’ve removed the quotation on some of the old one-liners because it has turned out I might have credited the wrong sources. Thanks to everyone who sent me e-mails with new one-liners and corrections.

More Lines.

Posted 19:51 CET Saturday February 10th, 2007 (3 years, 206 days ago). 149 views. No comments. Tagged with One-liners.

I’m getting a couple of one-liners by e-mail every now and then and here are a few of them that I decided to add to the collecton.

• Be good – and if you can’t be good, be careful (very similar to “Be good; if you can’t be good, have fun.”, but it’s supposedly the original was coined in England in the 1910′s – 1920′s, so I decided to include it.)
• You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever.
• “I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.” –Peter Kaye.
• Atheists can do whatever the hell they want.
• We found Jesus – he was behind the sofa all along.
• “I know I’m paranoid, but am I paranoid enough?” –Tom Clancy.
• The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.

Thanks a lot to everyone who contributed.

Quick Sunday Update.

Posted 22:37 CET Sunday October 29th, 2006 (3 years, 310 days ago). 155 views. 3 comments. Tagged with One-liners, Site News.

I added a new one-liner that I received by e-mail tonight:

• The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.

Yes, I see the irony of this one-liner.

On Friday night before I went to bed, I converted the whole site to UTF-8. This means I can now write stuff like 日历服务和桌面搜索, チエンジンの日本版 and Η μεγαλύτερη μηχανή αναζήτησης παγκόσμια στα ελληνικά. Even if I have no idea what it means.

I’m sorry if I accidently offended someone.

Comment.

Posted 21:33 CET Saturday September 16th, 2006 (3 years, 353 days ago). 144 views. 2 comments. Tagged with One-liners, Site News.

I once again made good use of my 1337 PHP and expanded the comment feature so that you can now comment on both the Gallery and Moblog entries, in addition to normal entries.

Have fun.

I also added a few new one-liners I found on a poster when I was at the party at Gunnar’s place last Saturday:

• Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.
• A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.
• If everything seems to be going right, you obviously don’t know what the hell is going on.
• Friends come and go, enemies accumulate.
• Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.
• The repairman will never have seen a model quite like yours before.
• The chance of a piece of bread falling the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.