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May One-liners.

Posted 22:16 CET Wednesday May 16th, 2007 (2 years, 299 days ago). 67 views. No comments. Tagged with Humor, One-liners.

A few more one-liners were added today:

• Everyone leaves the world a little better – some by leaving.
• “Never waste a lie when the truth will do.” – Jack Clancy
• Trying is failing with honors.
• Never interrupt your enemy while they are making a mistake.
• Send lawyers, guns and money!
• Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
• If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably
  worth it.
• No one dies a virgin, life screws them all.
• There are two types of people – those who divide people into two types, and those who don’t.
• There are three types of people – those who can count and those who can’t.
• 99% of lawyers are giving the rest a bad name.
• Between two evils always pick the one you haven’t tried.
• Hey Santa, how much for your list of naughty girls?
• Optimist: Someone without much experience.
• The Stock Market always does what you think it will, but rarely when.
• “Stupidity, if left untreated, is self-correcting.” – Heinlein
• The problem with the future is it turns into the present.
• No life is totally wasted, one can always be a bad example.
• Welcome to Hell. Here’s your copy of Windows ME.
• Criminal Lawyer – a redundant phrase.
• Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.
• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
• Half the people you know are below average.
• if we don’t protect freedom of speech, we will never know who the assholes are.

I’ve removed the quotation on some of the old one-liners because it has turned out I might have credited the wrong sources. Thanks to everyone who sent me e-mails with new one-liners and corrections.

More Lines.

Posted 19:51 CET Saturday February 10th, 2007 (3 years, 29 days ago). 59 views. No comments. Tagged with One-liners.

I’m getting a couple of one-liners by e-mail every now and then and here are a few of them that I decided to add to the collecton.

• Be good – and if you can’t be good, be careful (very similar to “Be good; if you can’t be good, have fun.”, but it’s supposedly the original was coined in England in the 1910’s – 1920’s, so I decided to include it.)
• You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever.
• “I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.” –Peter Kaye.
• Atheists can do whatever the hell they want.
• We found Jesus – he was behind the sofa all along.
• “I know I’m paranoid, but am I paranoid enough?” –Tom Clancy.
• The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.

Thanks a lot to everyone who contributed.

Quick Sunday Update.

Posted 22:37 CET Sunday October 29th, 2006 (3 years, 133 days ago). 60 views. 3 comments. Tagged with One-liners, Site News.

I added a new one-liner that I received by e-mail tonight:

• The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.

Yes, I see the irony of this one-liner.

On Friday night before I went to bed, I converted the whole site to UTF-8. This means I can now write stuff like 日历服务和桌面搜索, チエンジンの日本版 and Η μεγαλύτερη μηχανή αναζήτησης παγκόσμια στα ελληνικά. Even if I have no idea what it means.

I’m sorry if I accidently offended someone.

Comment.

Posted 21:33 CET Saturday September 16th, 2006 (3 years, 176 days ago). 57 views. 2 comments. Tagged with One-liners, Site News.

I once again made good use of my 1337 PHP and expanded the comment feature so that you can now comment on both the Gallery and Moblog entries, in addition to normal entries.

Have fun.

I also added a few new one-liners I found on a poster when I was at the party at Gunnar’s place last Saturday:

• Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.
• A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.
• If everything seems to be going right, you obviously don’t know what the hell is going on.
• Friends come and go, enemies accumulate.
• Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.
• The repairman will never have seen a model quite like yours before.
• The chance of a piece of bread falling the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.

One Line For You.

Posted 22:21 CET Thursday September 14th, 2006 (3 years, 178 days ago). 37 views. No comments. Tagged with One-liners.

Here’s a few new one-liners before I go to bed. That’s how much I love you.

• Money should be utilized as a tool. You just gotta know which nuts to screw.
• The only job you start at the top is digging a hole.
• Worry is like a rocking chair; it keeps you busy, but gets you nowhere.
• Frog blast the vent core!
• Failure is not an option – it’s a lifestyle.
• Most people don’t act stupid – it’s the real thing.
• In the dark I hold your hand, because in the light you look like a man.
• It’s better to keep your mouth shut and have people think you are a fool than to open it and remove any lingering doubt.
• Beauty lasts for a moment, but ugly goes on and on and on.
• If the early bird catches the worm, what about the worm?

If you spot any dupes, please let me know.