Vegard Skjefstad

It’s the first of the month, which means there’s time to add some more one-liners to the ever-growing collection. The majority of the one-liners this month is lifted form Mr. One-Liner.

• The best exercise is to reach down and pull somebody up.
• The safest place during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.
• “Money can’t buy happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places.” — Milton Berle
• Sterility is not hereditary.
• Rugby is a game played by gentlemen with odd shaped balls.
• “A mistake is simply another way of doing things.” — Katharine Graham
• You know you’re into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you exercise.
• There’s a big difference between good sound reasons, and reasons that sound good.
• “I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.” — Bill Cosby
• I never turn my back on my friends, I don’t trust them that much.
• “Things turn out best for those who make the best of the way things turn out.” — John Wooden
• “Tell me what you need and I’ll tell you how to get along without it.” — Scott Adams
• “A fool and his money are soon elected.” — Will Rogers
• “To err is human. To blame someone else is politics.” — Hubert H. Humphrey
• You can tell the quality of a person by how they treat people they don’t need.
• If money won’t make you happy, you won’t like poverty either.
• “Don’t compromise yourself, you’re all you’ve got.” — Janis Joplin
• When it comes to giving, some people stop at nothing.
• “Medical insurance is what allows people to be ill at ease.” — Alfred E. Neuman
• “If opera is entertainment, then falling off a roof is transportation.” — Alfred E. Neuman