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11 Things Donald Trump Will Say in 12 Hours (or Less).

Here are 11 things Donald Trump will say when the 2016 US presidential election results are in (not necessarily in this specific order):

  1. “This election was stolen from me… uh… us.”
  2. “I will get to the bottom of this.”
  3. “We have to act. It’s your duty to act. Now!”
  4. “It’s a rigged system.”
  5. “Crooked Hillary, rabble-rabble-rabble, Crooked Hillary!”
  6. “Nobody respects women like I do.”
  7. “What a nasty woman!”
  8. “I will not concede!”
  9. “This result is rigged.”
  10. “I demand a recount!”
  11. “Oh, by the way, I’ve launched a news network, please watch it.”

You read it here first.

Updated: Well, that didn’t go exactly as predicted. Or, to quote a comedian who would have ripped this election apart: “Boy, is my thumb not on the pulse of America.”

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