Here are 11 things Donald Trump will say when the 2016 US presidential election results are in (not necessarily in this specific order):

  1. “This election was stolen from me… uh… us.”
  2. “I will get to the bottom of this.”
  3. “We have to act. It’s your duty to act. Now!”
  4. “It’s a rigged system.”
  5. “Crooked Hillary, rabble-rabble-rabble, Crooked Hillary!”
  6. “Nobody respects women like I do.”
  7. “What a nasty woman!”
  8. “I will not concede!”
  9. “This result is rigged.”
  10. “I demand a recount!”
  11. “Oh, by the way, I’ve launched a news network, please watch it.”

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Updated: Well, that didn’t go exactly as predicted. Or, to quote a comedian who would have ripped this election apart: “Boy, is my thumb not on the pulse of America.”