Yesterday I ran. The few times when my mind is threatening to burst, I do that. I haven’t been doing any real physical exercise since the last month of my project in Trondheim and I felt just that. I got extremely tired, my legs felt like they were about to fall off, I thought I was about to die a couple of times. and I embraced every heaven-sent red light as an excuse to stop and catch my breath. I ran via the office to get my MP3-player that I’d forgotten, then all the way to Torshov (it’s really not that far, but far enough) and checked in on Ola and Hege‘s apartment. The place was still there and all the fishes still floated the right way, but they were really hungry when I fed them, so I think their automatic drop-fish-food-in-water-machine is fucked up. I’m going up there again tomorrow, also jogging. Tonight I’m going with Terje and a friend of him to see Cidade de Deus.
Then for the daily mandatory how-am-I-doing-with-this-Stine-business-update: My mind is slipping back and forth between “good luck to the both of you” and “what a stupid fuck I am for letting her go”. I can’t honestly say if I’m any better than yesterday, I think I am, though. But I prefer to keep my mind occupied with things so I don’t start thinking about it.
It got a little bit better when I realized I had Limp Bizkit‘s Chocolate Starfish album on my computer. Playing Hot Dog or Rollin’ (Air Raid Vehicle) with the volume pumped up will get your mind off anything. Boiler has also got lyrics for reflection:
It used to be a lie / And now it feels pathetic / And now I get it / What’s done is done / You just leave it alone / And don’t regret it / Sometimes some things turn into dumb things / And that’s when you put your foot down
What’s done is done, you just leave it alone and don’t regret it. It’s easier said than done, but it has to be done, not just said.