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August One-liners.

New additions to the one-liners collection:

  • My favorite mythical creature? The honest politician.
  • Take my advice; I don’t use it anyway.
  • I live in my own little world, but it’s OK, they know me here.
  • Bacteria is the only culture some people have.
  • Two wrongs are only the beginning.
  • If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
  • “I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.” — Steven Wright
  • “The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.” – Demetri Martin
  • “I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.” – Sam Kinison
  • “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing. Except when you’re at a funeral.
  • We are all time travelers moving at the speed of exactly 60 minutes per hour.
  • Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone.
  • It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look.

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