August One-Liners

New one-liners for August 2016.

Here are a few new one-liners I’ve added to the collection:

  • Your soulmate is currently working their way through several other soulmates before they finally get to you.
  • “The computing scientist’s main challenge is not to get confused by the complexities of his own making.” - E. W. Dijkstra
  • Call me anything you want except early in the morning.
  • I judge my day based on how many times I threaten to take my kids to the orphanage.
  • I don’t appreciate how quickly you agree when I admit that I’m imperfect.
  • Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
  • I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.
  • You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
  • No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
  • The hardest part of dating a blind woman is getting her husband’s voice right.
  • The world would be a cleaner place if we gave blind people brooms instead of canes.
  • I’m starting to think I’ll never be old enough to know better.
  • I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
  • Don’t worry about old age. It doesn’t last that long.
  • I don’t have gray hair. I have “wisdom highlights”.
  • My people skills are just fine. It’s my tolerance to idiots that needs work.
  • Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
  • When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed they’re not it.


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