August One-Liners

New one-liners for August 2016.

Here are a few new one-liners I’ve added to the collection:

  • Your soulmate is currently working their way through several other soulmates before they finally get to you.
  • “The computing scientist’s main challenge is not to get confused by the complexities of his own making.” - E. W. Dijkstra
  • Call me anything you want except early in the morning.
  • I judge my day based on how many times I threaten to take my kids to the orphanage.
  • I don’t appreciate how quickly you agree when I admit that I’m imperfect.
  • Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
  • I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.
  • You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
  • No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
  • The hardest part of dating a blind woman is getting her husband’s voice right.
  • The world would be a cleaner place if we gave blind people brooms instead of canes.
  • I’m starting to think I’ll never be old enough to know better.
  • I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
  • Don’t worry about old age. It doesn’t last that long.
  • I don’t have gray hair. I have “wisdom highlights”.
  • My people skills are just fine. It’s my tolerance to idiots that needs work.
  • Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
  • When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed they’re not it.


This post has no feedback yet.

Do you have any thoughts you want to share? A question, maybe? Or is something in this post just plainly wrong? Then please send an e-mail to vegard at vegard dot net with your input. You can also use any of the other points of contact listed on the About page.


It looks like you're using Google's Chrome browser, which records everything you do on the internet. Personally identifiable and sensitive information about you is then sold to the highest bidder, making you a part of surveillance capitalism.

The Contra Chrome comic explains why this is bad, and why you should use another browser.