Here are a few additions to the one-liners collection:

  • “Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in one ahead.” – Bill McGlashen
  • “Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.” – Marilyn Monroe
  • “The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.” – Al McGuire
  • “If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button.” – Sam Levenson
  • “By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” – Robert Frost
  • “Why does a woman work ten years to change a man’s habits and then complain that he’s not the man she married?” – Barbra Streisand
  • “The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.” – Brendan Behan
  • “The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq.” – Dennis Miller
  • I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.
  • “I’m at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.” – Rodney Dangerfield
  • “By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.” – Charles Wadsworth
  • “A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won’t cross the street to vote in a national election.” – Bill Vaughan
  • “Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.” – Jerry Seinfeld
  • “Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.” – Franklin P. Jones
  • They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.
  • “See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.” – Robin Williams
  • “At every party there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.” – Ann Landers
  • If you do a job too well, you will get stuck with it.