My Van Dyke has been with me for 21 years now. Ever since I did my stint of mandatory military service back in ‘97 and ‘98, it has tried it’s best to toughen up my cursed baby face. It hasn’t helped much, though, but at least I’m no longer mistaken for a girl1. The only time I’ve shaved off the beard was for a very brief month during Movember 2012.

Never again. Never. Again.

Another reason I got the beard, is that I think shaving is unbelievably boring. With the beard, it’s not strictly necessary to shave every day. Even though it takes a little time to get the right trim, it’s worth it since I only have to shave every week - or every second week if I really stretch it.

Shaving is still a dread, though, especially the cleanup afterwards. Those hairs get everywhere, and the bathroom, in particular the area around the sink, looks like a bombed-out whorehouse.

But I’m not the only one with a beard and a serious debris problem. There are probably a million hipsters in San Francisco trying to clean their sinks as you read this. And where there’s a problem, there’s always a solution. The great minds at BEARD KING have conjured a product that every man with facial hair should own: The Beard Bib.


A very bearded guy using the Bear King Beard Bib and looking very smug about it.

The BEARD KING Beard Bib attaches to your mirror with two suction cups, and around your neck with a velcro strap. The result is a nice bib that will catch 99% of hair clipping and trimmings that would normally end up decorating your bath room. I think we can all agree that the Beard Bib looks a bit weird. But shaving isn’t something you’re normally doing in public anyway. And if you did, every man with a beard would come running to see what kind of sorcery this is.

When you’re done shaving, simply brush off the hair clippings from the Beard Bib into a nearby trashcan. Then turn it inside out into a self containing pouch. If you use a simple electric razor it’s a good chance it’ll fit right into the pouch as well. When stored, the Beard Bib takes up very little space, which makes it great for traveling. Don’t make life any harder than it already is for the hotel’s cleaning service.

In short, the BEARD KING Beard Bib is a product that every man with even a hint of facial hair should own. Kiss that godawful hair clipping mess goodbye!

  1. Yes, that happened once when I was a kid, and it’s obviously something that has scarred me for life. I had a tough childhood. ↩︎


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