Stop the press! During dinner today my cellular started going completely nuts as lots and lots of SMS messages were ticking in. And they were all from TC. Oh, joy - the first sign of life after two weeks! What had she been up to? Had she been dumping me or zoning out? Would I see her again soon?
Reading her messages, I really couldn’t believe my eyes. It started out all right, she said she was sorry for being unreachable, but from the it went downhill, and very fast, too. She had indeed been zoning out, she indeed went to Denamrk and now she was extremely pissed because I’d tried to reach her. I had not shown her any respect or been considerate at all since I’d tried to reach her when she’d told me she needed the space. And that I’d talked to her friends to get to know what she was up to was just simply outrageous. She was shocked and that I’d been outside her apartment was totally unacceptable. And the worst thing was that I’d asked her friend for her mother’s telephone number. Quote: “What the fuck are you needing that for?".She ends her SMS message frenzy with the sentence “Don’t ever try to reach me again”.
All right. Take a deep breath. Or maybe two.
For those of you who have not been following this developing story, I’ll try to summarize the last few weeks:
- Saturday about three weeks ago. TC calls me and says she needs a little bit of space, she’s going through a hard time and she thinks we’re moving a little to fast. I tell her that she can contact me again when she feels like it, I won’t bother her.
- On the following Wednesday, she sends me an SMS message, I call her that afternoon, visit her on Thursday, spend the night and leave Friday morning. The last thing I ask her is this: “How long will it be until I see you again?". Her reply: “Not long, I just have to figure out what I’m doing this weekend”.
- After that, I hear nothing. She does not pick up the phone, she does not reply to my SMS message. In short; it’s just impossible to get hold of her.
- I start to get a little bit worried. What is happening? Is she zoning out again, or is she brushing me off? Hard to say. I try to find out what she’s up to and where she’s at by talking to her friends. This is where I obviously make my big mistake: I start to care about this girl.
I think we’ve totally misunderstood each other. She’s pissed because she thinks she told me that she needed space and didn’t want me to try to hunt her down. I just didn’t pick up her signals and for me she just vanished from the face of the Earth. I mean, her answer (“Not long, I just have to figure out what I’m doing this weekend”) to my question (“How long will it be until I see you again?") doesn’t exactly contain any obvious signals that she needs time by herself, does it? That’s the root of this evil. If she’d just told me she needed time, I would’ve given her all the time in the world, and I wouldn’t have tried to reach her until she contacted me. A small SMS message would’ve been more than enough. “I’m going to Denmark for a while, I ‘ll contact you when I get back. Have fun while I’m gone”. It’s as simple as that. This is something I’ve written in earlier entries.
I’m not going to try to convince her that dumping me is a bad idea, because I really don’t think that I would’ve been able to deal with a girl of this kind any and she pretty much made it clear that she’s not interested in seeing me ever again. The relationship would’ve been a mess with her just disappearing like that. But I’ve written a long SMS message that I plan to send back to her in a couple of days when she’s hopefully calmed down a little. I hope she reads it and that the message gives her something to think about. Not that she really needs more to think about, but I want her to try not to react in the same way the next time someone who likes her cares about her. At some point she’ll miss out on something great if she continues like that.
Am I feeling down because of this? In a way, of course. But not much. The way she reacted to me caring about her is just to dumb to be taken seriously, really.
Good luck in life, TC.
|2005-06-02 23:48 CET|