You might have noticed that I’ve been trying to add new one-liners to the collection at the beginning of every month. Here’s a quick Christmas bonus for you enjoyment:
- I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
- Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
- Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
- A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
- My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
- Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
- When in doubt, mumble.
- Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.
- I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
- You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
- A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
- Haikus are easy. But sometimes they don’t make sense. Refrigerator.
- Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.
- To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential.
- People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.
- Materialism: Buying things we don’t need with money we don’t have to impress people that don’t matter.
- The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.
- Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems…but then again, neither does milk.
- The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.
- What if there were no hypothetical questions?
- True friendship comes when the silence between two people is comfortable.
- A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
- Whose idea was it to put an “S” in the word “lisp”?
- Be careful of your thoughts, they may become words at any moment.
- The farther away the future is, the better it looks.
- This isn’t an office. It’s hell with fluorescent lighting.
- My drinking team has a bowling problem.
This post has no feedback yet.
Do you have any thoughts you want to share? A question, maybe? Or is something in this post just plainly wrong? Then please send an e-mail to
vegard at vegard dot net with your input. You can also use any of the other points of contact listed on the About page.
It looks like you're using Google's Chrome browser, which records everything you do on the internet. Personally identifiable and sensitive information about you is then sold to the highest bidder, making you a part of surveillance capitalism.
The Contra Chrome comic explains why this is bad, and why you should use another browser.