New one-liners for December 2016.
Here are a few new one-liners I’ve added to the collection:
- I’m sorry for all of the awful things I said to you when you were wrong and needed to hear them.
- “I finally found my dream woman. She’s very hot, and nobody else can see her.” - Ray Bryant
- “I am now on three dating sites because you can never get enough rejection.” - Mark Campbell
- “I’ve never once been able to explain my car trouble to a mechanic without resorting to sound effects.” - Donna McCoy
- Marriage should come with a stenographer.
- Facebook memories are a great way to see how fat you’ve gotten.
- When you’re dead, you don’t know that you’re dead. All of the pain is felt by others. The same thing happens when you’re stupid.
- If the bathroom isn’t flooded did the kids even brush their teeth?
- The reward for a job well done is more work.
- If i had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.
- I can totally keep secrets. It’s the people I tell them to that can’t.
- My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
- Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I’m driving.
- What’s worse than waking up at a party, and finding a penis drawn on your face? Finding out it was traced.
- If you’re not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?
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