In 2011, I deleted my Facebook account. But now, through my selfish need to spread the good word, my old nemesis has sucked me back into its cold and clammy embrace.

Deleting a Facebook account can quickly prove to be social suicide. In my case, that wasn’t much of a problem. Contrary to what you might have heard in April, I’ve never had an outrageously active social life. The people I spent time with still answered they phones, and Anniken, who was on Facebook, was my other social lifeline. Even without Facebook, I’ve somehow miraculous managed to get on with my life, and function like a normal human being for the past five years.

A while ago, however, I decided to start dabbling in cryptocurrency. More precisely, I wanted to get a Steemit account. Steemit is a bit like Reddit, but its users don’t seem to be narcissistic trolls who want to see the world burn. Also, the content on Steemit is mostly user generated, whereas Reddit functions a lot more like a link machine. The most attractive feature of Steemit, however, is that users get paid for the content they create. If you write a popular article, you are awarded with STEEM, the platform’s cryptocurrency. STEEM can then be traded on one of the many cryptocurrency exchanges.

There was one huge issue with Steemit at the time, though: You had to have a Facebook account to register.

Enter the Blue Plague

This, in itself, is somewhat hilarious. Facebook is the very definition of a online privacy disaster, while one of the core features of cryptocurrency is anonymity. But that’s the way things were done on Steemit back then, and my urge to get on the bandwagon to make millions of easy dollars was too strong. I caved in, and created a brand new Facebook account.

So, how successful has my Steemit adventure been so far? Well, I haven’t quit my day job yet, to put it that way. My first Steemit post, a somewhat modified version of The Tale of a Doomed Colony, has made me exactly $0.00. It was a royal pain in posterior to use the Steemit text editor at the time, and I haven’t gone back to it since. What I really need is a WordPress plugin that automatically publish the content I write here to Steemit.

Wanted: Audience

Until that is available, I have to use other means to reach a broader audience. One of key factor for making millions from writing online is having big boobs. Since I have fairly small boobs, I’ll have to rely on quality writing instead. And frankly, some of the stuff I write isn’t half bad, and deserve a broader audience. But over the years, the number of readers has dwindled to a trickle. If I get 100 unique visitors, that’s a good day. New comments are few and far between. I need a bigger audience. And that’s my ulterior motive for returning to Facebook - I’m solely there to spread the good word.

How broad am I aiming? Let me illustrate:

Everyone gets a friend request!

Have you looked in my general direction at work? You’ll get a friend request! Have I seen you at the grocery store? Hell, here’s a friend request for you, as well1 This aggressive tactic will probably rub some people the wrong way. I suggest you block me if you think I share too much crap.

But if I write something you like, please comment, and share it with all your friends and their grandmothers. With just 250 shares, you’re welcome to visit me in my future million dollar mansion in Malibu.

  1. All right, I’m exaggerating a bit, but not much. ↩︎