February One-liners

New one-liners for February 2018.

A new month means a couple of new one-liners added to the collection. Here are the new additions for February:

  • The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.
  • “I find that people who believe we might be living in a computer simulation tend to be people who I could imagine being simulated most easily by a computer.” - Joi Ito
  • If you cannot explain something in simple terms, you don’t understand it.
  • When someone asks me if I’m seeing anyone, I automatically assume they’re talking about a psychiatrist.
  • “There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.” - Mark Twain
  • “The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become.” - Mark Twain
  • “Um.” - First horse that got ridden
  • A lot of people cry when they cut onions. The trick is not to form an emotional bond.
  • I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.
  • My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are. But I laugh more.
  • Everything is edible, some things are only edible once.
  • Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
  • Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.
  • Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your mouth is moving.
  • “An escalator cannot break, it can only become stairs.” - Mitch Hedberg
  • “Race is just a pigment of the imagination.” - Glen Highland
  • “I have nothing to declare except my genius.” - Oscar Wilde
  • “I hate when I am about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.” - Bill Murray
  • “Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it’s probably shit.” - Stephen K. Amos
  • “I used to be addicted to swimming but I’m very proud to say I’ve been dry for six years.” - Alfie Moore
  • “How do people make new mates? Asking for a friend.” - Steve Bugeja
  • “People say I’ve got no willpower but I’ve quit smoking loads of times.” - Kai Humphries
  • “Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it’s all over much too soon.” - Woody Allen


This post has no feedback yet.

Do you have any thoughts you want to share? A question, maybe? Or is something in this post just plainly wrong? Then please send an e-mail to vegard at vegard dot net with your input. You can also use any of the other points of contact listed on the About page.


It looks like you're using Google's Chrome browser, which records everything you do on the internet. Personally identifiable and sensitive information about you is then sold to the highest bidder, making you a part of surveillance capitalism.

The Contra Chrome comic explains why this is bad, and why you should use another browser.