February One-liners

New one-liners for February 2018.

A new month means a couple of new one-liners added to the collection. Here are the new additions for February:

  • The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.
  • “I find that people who believe we might be living in a computer simulation tend to be people who I could imagine being simulated most easily by a computer.” — Joi Ito
  • If you cannot explain something in simple terms, you don’t understand it.
  • When someone asks me if I’m seeing anyone, I automatically assume they’re talking about a psychiatrist.
  • “There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.” — Mark Twain
  • “The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become.” — Mark Twain
  • “Um.” — First horse that got ridden
  • A lot of people cry when they cut onions. The trick is not to form an emotional bond.
  • I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.
  • My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are. But I laugh more.
  • Everything is edible, some things are only edible once.
  • Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
  • Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.
  • Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your mouth is moving.
  • “An escalator cannot break, it can only become stairs.” — Mitch Hedberg
  • “Race is just a pigment of the imagination.” — Glen Highland
  • “I have nothing to declare except my genius.” — Oscar Wilde
  • “I hate when I am about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.” – Bill Murray
  • “Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it’s probably shit.” — Stephen K. Amos
  • “I used to be addicted to swimming but I’m very proud to say I’ve been dry for six years.” — Alfie Moore
  • “How do people make new mates? Asking for a friend.” — Steve Bugeja
  • “People say I’ve got no willpower but I’ve quit smoking loads of times.” — Kai Humphries
  • “Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering – and it’s all over much too soon.” — Woody Allen

By Vegard Vines Skjefstad

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