February One-liners

Here are a few new one-liners for the collection.

  • Why is the place you drive on is a parkway, and the place you park on is the driveway?
  • “When the power of love overcomes the love of power, then the world will know peace.” - Jimi Hendrix
  • He who feels that he is too small to make a difference has never been bitten by a mosquito.
  • If you let go of the past, it no longer has a hold on you.
  • Enthusiasm can be like a fire that needs an occasional poke with a stick.
  • “He, who doesn’t hope to win has already lost.” - Simon Bolivar
  • “The older I get, the smarter my Dad gets.” - Mark Twain
  • If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and keep away from children.
  • “When the well’s dry, we know the worth of water.” - Ben Franklin
  • The road to a friends house is never long.
  • The time to ensure that the toilet works is before you really need it.
  • Early to bed, early to rise makes people suspicious.
  • Yield to temptation; it may not pass your way again.
  • Don’t judge a book by its movie.
  • If practice makes perfect, and nobody’s perfect, why practice?
  • If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, “Quit while you’re ahead”?
  • How is it possible to have a civil war?
  • If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
  • I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
  • No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
  • A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
  • Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
  • Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
  • Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
  • Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
  • The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
  • Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
  • Don’t use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
  • I don’t have a solution but I admire the problem.
  • My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.


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