It’s the last month of the year. But no need to sulk! Here are the funny one-liners (and some clever ones) for December. Remember that the entire collection always is at your fingertips.

  • Alcohol: The fuel used in the engine of bad decisions.
  • “It is easier to stay out than get out.” — Mark Twain
  • It’s hard to escape from your inner critic, especially when it never shuts up.
  • “Buy land, they’re not making it anymore.” — Mark Twain
  • Dracula is a myth created by Big Garlic.
  • It turns out my high school chemistry teacher was right. Alcohol IS a solution.
  • There is a certain freedom in having nothing left to lose.
  • Friendship should not be sought, but is usually found both by chance and good luck.
  • Don’t make someone a priority, who only makes you an option.
  • Sometimes we all have days where we are 386’s in a P4 world.
  • It is okay to visit your past just don’t bring any luggage with you.
  • A politician is the one who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
  • They told me I was gullible, and I believed them.
  • Life is too complicated in the morning.
  • “The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.” — Bill Watterson
  • “I have such a high regard for the truth that I use it sparingly.” — Timothy Connor
  • !false (It’s funny because it’s true.)
  • “A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men’s singles event.” — Angela Barnes
  • “I wonder how many chameleons snuck on to the Ark.” — Adam Hess