It’s the first of the month, which means there’s time to add some more one-liners to the ever-growing collection.

  • “What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few of us left.” – Oscar Levant
  • “The greatest thief this world has ever produced is procrastination, and he is still at large.” – Josh Billings
  • “A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.” – George Carlin
  • “The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.” – Frank Zappa
  • “Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment.” – Betty White
  • “I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer.” – Douglas Adams
  • “Never doubt the courage of the French. They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible.” – Doug Larson
  • “I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I’m in a cabinet meeting.” – Ronald Reagan
  • “On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart’s desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.” – H. L. Mencken
  • “Mind is never a problem. Mindset is.” – Narendra Modi
  • “I want to thank my parents for somehow raising me to have confidence that is disproportionate with my looks and abilities.” – Tina Fey
  • “A failure is like fertilizer; it stinks to be sure, but it makes things grow faster in the future.” – Denis Waitley