February One-liners

New one-liners for February 2020.

A new month means a couple of new funny one-liners added to the collection. Here are the new additions for February:

  • There’s nothing wrong with the younger generation that twenty years or so won’t cure.
  • “Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.” - Steven Tyler
  • Everyone believes in heredity until their children act like fools.
  • I’m so old that when I was in school, history was called current affairs.
  • Practice makes perfeckt.
  • Never put off until tomorrow what you can forget about entirely.
  • I used to be lost in the shuffle, now I just shuffle along with the lost.
  • “The less you talk, the more you’re listened to.” - Pauline Phillips
  • “Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.” - Victor Borge
  • “Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.” - Johnny Carson
  • “We didn’t lose the game; we just ran out of time.” - Vince Lombardi
  • “A year from now, you’re gonna weigh more or less than what you do right now.” - Phil McGraw
  • “Some things are so unexpected that no one is prepared for them.” - Leo Rosten
  • You cannot take charge of the present if you are busy reliving the setbacks of the past.
  • “I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.” - Lily Tomlin


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