A new year is upon us! I hope you had a great 2020, and that 2021 will be even better. In any case, here are few new funny one-liners that have been added to the collection.

  • “Life is too short to miss out on the beautiful things like a double cheeseburger.” – Channing Tatum
  • “I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.” – Henny Youngman
  • “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” – Charles Lamb
  • “History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.” – Abba Eban
  • “The secret of the demagogue is to make himself as stupid as his audience so they believe they are clever as he.” – Karl Kraus
  • “I don’t want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their job.” – Samuel Goldwyn
  • “I would like to die on Mars. Just not on impact.” – Elon Musk
  • “Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.” – Jim Davis
  • “Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.” – Steven Wright
  • “As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts.” – David Sedaris
  • “Everybody who is incapable of learning has taken to teaching.” – Oscar Wilde
  • “I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.” – Steven Wright
  • “What’s another word for Thesaurus?” – Steven Wright
  • “I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.” – Will Rogers