New funny one-liners for March 2020.
It’s March, which means it’s a good time for some new funny one-liners. To be honest, all the time is a good time for some new funny one-liners. Enjoy!
- “We cannot put off living until we are ready.” — Jose Ortega y Gasset
- My mind is like concrete: thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.
- In life, you have two choices: get over it or die with it on your mind.
- If you are what you eat, I’m dead meat.
- “You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses.” — Abraham Lincoln
- Money can’t buy happiness, but it can take you to a lot more places to look for it.
- “If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.” — George Carlin
- The main trouble with mental notes is the ink fades so fast.
- Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but of playing a poor hand well.
- The number of people watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
- Don’t ever confuse an open mind with one that’s vacant.
- Never buy a Rolex from someone who is out of breath.
- I don’t mind the rat race, but I could do with a little more cheese.
- I fought the lawn and the lawn won.
- Time is never wasted when you are wasted all the time.
- Good judgment comes from experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
- You can’t be late until you show up.
- When all else fails, lower your standards.
- Make a firm decision now. You can always change it later.
- Thank you! I’ll help myself out.
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