March One-liners

New funny one-liners for March 2020.

It’s March, which means it’s a good time for some new funny one-liners. To be honest, all the time is a good time for some new funny one-liners. Enjoy!

  • “We cannot put off living until we are ready.” — Jose Ortega y Gasset
  • My mind is like concrete: thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.
  • In life, you have two choices: get over it or die with it on your mind.
  • If you are what you eat, I’m dead meat.
  • “You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses.” — Abraham Lincoln
  • Money can’t buy happiness, but it can take you to a lot more places to look for it.
  • “If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.” — George Carlin
  • The main trouble with mental notes is the ink fades so fast.
  • Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but of playing a poor hand well.
  • The number of people watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
  • Don’t ever confuse an open mind with one that’s vacant.
  • Never buy a Rolex from someone who is out of breath.
  • I don’t mind the rat race, but I could do with a little more cheese.
  • I fought the lawn and the lawn won.
  • Time is never wasted when you are wasted all the time.
  • Good judgment comes from experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
  • You can’t be late until you show up.
  • When all else fails, lower your standards.
  • Make a firm decision now. You can always change it later.
  • Thank you! I’ll help myself out.


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