May One-Liners

New funny one-liners for May 2019.

It’s the first of May, which marks both Labor Day, and the addition of a couple of new funny one-liners to the collection. To be honest, the ones added this month isn’t very funny, but rather more thought provoking. Enjoy!

  • “Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we’ll find it.” - Sam Levenson
  • “Man was made at the end of the week’s work when God was tired.” - Mark Twain
  • “The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.” - Charles de Gaulle
  • “Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.” - Abraham Lincoln
  • “Middle age is when a guy keeps turning off lights for economical rather than romantic reasons.” - Lillian Gordy Carter
  • “If you don’t know where you are going, every road will get you nowhere.” - Henry Kissinger
  • “Committees do harm merely by existing.” - Freeman Dyson
  • “It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.” - Thomas Sowell
  • “The chief cause of problems is solutions.” - Eric Sevareid
  • “The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent full of doubt.” - Bertrand Russell
  • “If you obey all the rules, you will miss all the fun.” - Katharine Hepburn
  • If you’re the smartest person in the room, go look for a room with smarter people in it.
  • “Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.” - Dalai Lama
  • “The future is always scary to those who cling to the past.” - Tim O’Reilly
  • “Humor is the only divine quality to be found in humanity.” - Schopenhauer
  • “One is never so dangerous as when he’s utterly convinced he is right.” - John Perry Barlow
  • “Your mind is credulous enough to believe any narrative you feed it. Choose wisely.” - Stephen Sadowski


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