It’s the first of the month, which means there’s time to add some more one-liners to the ever-growing collection.

  • “I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.” – Billy Connolly
  • “To err is human; to admit it, superhuman.” – Doug Larson
  • “We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.” – George Bernard Shaw
  • “Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.” – Cullen Hightower
  • “Opportunity dances with those already on the dance floor.” – H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
  • “Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” – George Carlin
  • “It does not matter whether you win or lose, what matters is whether I win or lose!” – Steven Weinberg
  • “Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.” – Laurence J. Peter
  • “Our dilemma is that we hate change and love it at the same time; what we really want is for things to remain the same but get better.” – Sydney J. Harris
  • “It’s always darkest before the dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.” – Navjot Singh Sidhu
  • “Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don’t have for something they don’t need.” – Will Rogers
  • “A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.” – George Bernard Shaw