It’s the first of the month, which means there’s time to add some more one-liners to the ever-growing collection.

  • “The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.” – Abraham Lincoln
  • “He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.” – Charles de Gaulle
  • “The duty of a patriot is to protect his country from its government.” – Edward Abbey
  • “The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” – Will Rogers
  • “Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection.” – Yakov Smirnoff
  • “To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead.” – Thomas Paine
  • “If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made out of that stuff?” – George Carlin
  • “Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.” – Mark Twain
  • “Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know.” – Daniel J. Boorstin
  • “I have learned from my mistakes, and I am sure I can repeat them exactly.” – Peter Cook
  • “Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?” – John Barrymore
  • “If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out.” – Lawrence Ferlinghetti
  • “Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.” – Sam Ewing