New one-liners for September 2018.
September is here. Summer is officially over, and we’re slowly moving toward darker times. But fear not, here are some sarcastic and funny one-liners to brighten your day. Want to see more? Then you should browse the complete collection of more than 1,700 funny one-liners.
- “Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” - Mark Twain
- I got myself into this, and I’ll get myself even deeper into this.
- Judge me by the people I avoid.
- Golf is what you play when you’re too out of shape to play softball.
- The only reason I play golf is to bug my wife. She thinks I’m having fun.
- If you listen closely you can here me not caring.
- I meant to behave but there were too many other options.
- “I’m not great at advice, can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” - Chandler Bing
- I would love to lose weight but I hate losing.
- They say you are what you eat. I don’t remember eating a huge disappointment.
- I hope one day I love someone the way women in commercials love yogurt.
- Keep rolling your eyes, maybe you’ll find a brain back there.
- My boss asked me to start the presentation with a joke. I attached payslips on first slide.
- Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege.
- You call them swear words, I call them sentence enhancers.
- There are some that are wise, and others are otherwise.
- Grammar is the difference between knowing your shit & knowing you’re shit.
- Don’t regret doing things, regret getting caught.
- I’m really good at stuff until people watch me do that stuff.
- I’m not sarcastic, just intelligent beyond your understanding.
- “I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” - Clarence Darrow
- “He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” - John Bright
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