January One-liners.

The new year is here! Let’s celebrate by adding some brand new one-liners to the ever-growing collection. This month, it’s a mixed bag of one-liners, with a little programming wisdom that has overflowed1 from December’s Programming Special.

  • When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
  • “Don’t worry if it doesn’t work right. If everything did, you’d be out of a job.” – Mosher’s Law of Software Engineering
  • The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.
  • “A good programmer is someone who always looks both ways before crossing a one-way street.” – Doug Linder
  • All you need is ignorance and confidence and the success is sure.
  • I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn’t complain.
  • What’s the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don’t turn into men when they drink.
  • My dream woman has a special combination of inner and outer beauty and is, most importantly, too naive to know she’s way out of my league.
  • I tried to explain to my 4-year-old son that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants, but he’s still making fun of me.
  • Don’t let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case.
  • It’s just a bad day, not a bad life.
  • Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot.
  • Don’t be afraid to stand for what you believe in, even if that means standing alone.
  • She wanted a puppy. But I didn’t want a puppy. So we compromised and got a puppy.
  • Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
  • The most dangerous part of a motorcycle is the nut that connects the seat to the handlebar.
  • We can’t help everyone, but everyone can help someone.
  • Don’t worry guys, my wife just turned the car radio down so we shouldn’t be lost much longer.


  1. See what I did there?

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  1. I see that the list has grown quite a bit since the beginning. I’m not sure it would fit on a t-shirt anymore. Do you have a way of checking that you don’t add the same one-liner twice?


    • I tried to put them on a t-shirt a while back, but they didn’t fit anymore. Too bad, since the previous edition was a raging success – I think I sold 5 shirts!

      The duplicate check is manual labour, so there’s a good chance there are a few of them.