January One-Liners

A new year is upon us! I hope you had a great 2019, and that 2020 will be even better. In any case, here are few new funny one-liners that have been added to the collection.

• “Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.” - Mark Twain
• “Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” - Peter Drucker
• “I personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain.” - Lily Tomlin
• “When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice.” - Saul Bellow
• “Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.” - Mark Twain
• “Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.” - Bill Vaughan
• “You miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t drink.” - Ryan Reynolds
• “For the happiest life, days should be rigorously planned, nights left open to chance.” - Mignon McLaughlin
• “You have succeeded in life when all you really want is only what you really need.” - Vernon Howard
• “Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.” - Mark Twain
• If it’s not going according to plan, maybe there never was a plan.
• The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
• A happily married man is one who understands every word which his wife didn’t say.
• “The only time Success comes before Work is in the dictionary.” - Harvey Specter
• “Nostalgia is a device that removes the ruts and the potholes from Memory Lane.” - Doug Larson