July One-liners

New one-liners for July 2018.

It’s July, which means there’s time to add some more one-liners to the ever-growing one-liner collection. This time, I’ve mainly consulted marvelous popular quotes collection provided by Goodreads.

  • Any joke is a one-liner if the notebook you write it in is wide enough.
  • When prison inmates fall in love, do they finish each other’s sentences?
  • A liberal is a conservative who got a hospital bill once.
  • “Golf is a good walk spoiled.” - Mark Twain
  • “It is better to take what does not belong to you than to let it lie around neglected.” - Mark Twain
  • “A person who won’t read has no advantage over one who can’t read.” - Mark Twain
  • The same people that made fun of me for my calculator watch in high school are now wearing Apple watches.
  • “Some say I’ve aged like a fine wine, but I just wish I could get back those 15 years I was locked in a cellar.” - Nick Jack Pappas
  • “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.” - Albert Einstein
  • “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” - Bernard M. Baruch
  • “In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.” - Robert Frost
  • “A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.” - Elbert Hubbard
  • “To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.” - Oscar Wilde
  • “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • “It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.” - AndrΓ© Gide
  • “All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” - Charles M. Schulz
  • “Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.” - Paul Terry
  • “Logic will get you from A to Z; imagination will get you everywhere.” - Albert Einstein
  • “Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be.” - Abraham Lincoln
  • “I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.” - Groucho Marx

Feedback

This post has no feedback yet.

Do you have any thoughts you want to share? A question, maybe? Or is something in this post just plainly wrong? Then please send an e-mail to vegard at vegard dot net with your input. You can also use any of the other points of contact listed on the About page.


Caution

It looks like you're using Google's Chrome browser, which records everything you do on the internet. Personally identifiable and sensitive information about you is then sold to the highest bidder, making you a part of surveillance capitalism.

The Contra Chrome comic explains why this is bad, and why you should use another browser.