July One-liners

New one-liners for July 2015.

New additions to the one-liners collection:

  • “A hotel mini-bar allows you to see into the future and what a can of Pepsi will cost in 2020.” - Rich Hall
  • “I have taken more good from alcohol than alcohol has taken from me.” - Winston Churchill
  • Never believe anything until it’s been officially denied.
  • “By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere.” - Confucius
  • “Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners.” - E. Joseph Cossman
  • Any paint, regardless of quality or composition, will adhere permanently to any surface, prepared or otherwise, if applied accidentally.
  • “If it’s so great outside, why are all the bugs trying to get inside my house?” - Jim Gaffigan
  • “You might be a redneck if your house doesn’t have curtains, but your truck does.” - Jeff Foxworthy
  • “My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty, and that’s the law.” - Jerry Seinfeld
  • “I intend to open this country up to democracy, and anyone who is against that, I will jail.” - João Baptista de Oliveira Figueiredo
  • “If you find an Australian indoors, it’s a fair bet that he will have a glass in his hand.” - Jonathan Aitken
  • “Winter is nature’s way of saying, ‘Up yours.’” - Robert Byrne
  • “I like what mechanics wear… overall.” - Stewart Francis
  • “Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.” - Jon Stewart
  • “I will not eat oysters; I want my food dead… not sick… not wounded… dead.” - Woody Allen
  • “Free advice is worth the price.” - Robert Half

Feedback

This post has no feedback yet.

Do you have any thoughts you want to share? A question, maybe? Or is something in this post just plainly wrong? Then please send an e-mail to vegard at vegard dot net with your input. You can also use any of the other points of contact listed on the About page.


Caution

It looks like you're using Google's Chrome browser, which records everything you do on the internet. Personally identifiable and sensitive information about you is then sold to the highest bidder, making you a part of surveillance capitalism.

The Contra Chrome comic explains why this is bad, and why you should use another browser.