New one-liners for June 2018.
- Let he without typos, cast the first store.
- One person forgetting to take their medication can really liven up a mundane day at the office.
- Good morning to everyone except people who call to make sure you got their email (like 30 seconds after you got it).
- Friday the 13th is a holiday started by Big Hockey to sell more masks.
- The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math.
- “Always make new mistakes.” - Ester Dyson
- “If a cop tells you to put your hands in the air, it’s always a bad idea to wave them around like you just don’t care.” - Nick Jack Pappas
- My wife and I have a rule whoever is driving controls the radio, unless I’m driving and then she controls the radio.
- Never invite an arsonist to a housewarming party.
- “When in doubt tell the truth.” - Mark Twain
- The possibilities are endless, but I just want the good ones.
- If aliens ever decide to abduct me, I hope they do it on a Sunday night and not a Friday night, because I really don’t want to lose a weekend.
- The Indian version of “How I Met Your Mother” would only last one episode, entitled “The Wedding”.
- I don’t always whoop, but when I do, there it is.
- “Cults make perfect sense. Do you know how hard it is to make friends as an adult?” - Sophia Benoit
- “One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.” - Mark Twain
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