New one-liners for June 2016.
Here are a few new one-liners I’ve added to the collection:
- I’m a really good listener, as long as we’re talking about me.
- Mondays are awesome. It’s just your job that sucks.
- I cheated on my diet yesterday with a prettier, sluttier diet.
- I’d love to have a deep meaningful discussion with my daughter, but I’m not that good at emojis.
- No one has stolen my lunch at work since I started labeling it “Stool Sample.”
- I don’t need fun to have alcohol.
- My son asked me what it’s like to be a parent so I woke him up at 3 a.m. to let him know that I couldn’t sleep.
- No matter how stupid you feel, remember, Little Red Riding Hood couldn’t figure out a talking wolf in drag wasn’t her grandmother.
- The most important life skill I have learned is when to stop asking questions.
- 63% of time spent being an adult over 40 is just waiting for a pill to kick in.
- My life is an open book. But it’s very poorly written and I die in the end.
- If you start smacking people with your wife’s purse she won’t ask you to hold it for her anymore.
- Airline just told my girlfriend she has too much baggage, and they’ve only known her a couple of minutes.
This post has no feedback yet.
Do you have any thoughts you want to share? A question, maybe? Or is something in this post just plainly wrong? Then please send an e-mail to
vegard at vegard dot net with your input. You can also use any of the other points of contact listed on the About page.
It looks like you're using Google's Chrome browser, which records everything you do on the internet. Personally identifiable and sensitive information about you is then sold to the highest bidder, making you a part of surveillance capitalism.
The Contra Chrome comic explains why this is bad, and why you should use another browser.