It's not over until everybody's dead. Again. (Or: Let's play RimWorld.)
Well over three years ago, I posted The Tale of a Doomed Colony. It’s a story set in your favorite base-building-survival-strategy-sandbox-game, RimWorld. The time has come to read through the diary of another colony administrator to discover a different tale from a RimWorld colony1.
These are our three unfortunate colonists:
And with the introductions out of the way, it’s time to start our story.
Touchdown! If you can call this crash landing a “touchdown”, that is. Our equipment is spread all over the place, everyone is sick, or feeling bad. No surprise there, really.
But we can’t just sit around, waiting for someone to come rescue us. This is a harsh and unforgiving place, and we need to build a shelter, and start to gather enough resources to survive.
13th of December
We have created a shelter of sorts. There’s a gaping hole in the wall, and we only managed to build 2 beds from the materials we have gathered. But it’s better than sleeping under the skies. To get a sustainable food source up and running, we’ve started to prepare a potato field. According to Vlad, some guy did that to survive on Mars a long time ago.
Around sunset, we discovered a perfectly good, almost intact building to the East. Too bad we didn’t find it before we used all these resources on our half-assed shack. Lesson learned: Use more time to scout before you chose a spot for the camp.
Vlad is already beginning to feel his psychite addiction, so we’ve started to research drug production to keep him happy.
1st of Aprimay
We got a distress call over the radio. Turns out we’re not alone on this godforsaken rock. The distress call was from a 79 year old guy who was being chased by raiders. Since we’re already got enough Alzheimer’s in the camp, we casually ignored his pleas for help, and the sound of the raiders catching him.
Vladislav was walking around with a gun. That’s probably not a good drug addict/Alzheimer’s/borderline psychotic combination, so we casually hid the gun in a safe spot as soon as he put it down.
2nd of Aprimay
A lone guy with a club appeared not far from the camp. He didn’t look friendly.
Lidia, who knows a thing or two about beating people up, suggested that we go on the offensive. That sounded like a splendid idea, so Vladislav and Lidia grabbed their weapons, and went out to handle the lone raider. Unfortunately, Vlad, the senile idiot, didn’t use his gun take a shot at the enemy from a distance. Instead, he decided to use the pistol as a club, which proved terrible ineffective.
Lidia arrived at the scene just as the raider clubbed Vlad unconscious. She shot the raider in the chest with her rifle, leaving him mortally wounded. Alice came running to rescue Vlad, while Lidia stripped the raider of his clothes and possessions. He had nothing of interest.
I’m honestly not sure if we should try very hard to patch Vlad back together. We’re only four days in, and he is already turning out to be a liability. That he is very, very good at arts and crafts doesn’t really matter now since he’s just laying wounded in a bed. But Vlad is Lidia’s sister, and I suspect that she’ll get rather grumpy if we abandon him.
3rd of Aprimay
The potatoes are growing painfully slow, and we’re getting low on food. Thankfully, there are plenty of small game hanging around the camp. I think Lidia needs to take a break from her drug research and go outside to hunt.
For some moronic reason, that idiot Vlad decided to leave his sickbed, and go for a walk outside. He ended up unconscious in a field to the east of the camp, and Alice had to run outside and rescue him again. She carried him back to bed where he stayed for most of the day. In the late evening, he woke up, and went outside again to snort some yayo that the - now deceased - raider had on him.
At this point, it’s the administrator’s view that Vlad should do everyone a favor and just roll over and die.
4th of Aprimay
After snorting the yayo, Vlad went back to bed. And that’s where he’s been since. He’s not productive, but at least he isn’t bothering anyone.
Lidia killed and slaughtered a cassowary. From the meat, she’s prepared quite a few meals, which are now stored in our brand new walk-in refrigerator. Not too bad. But the colonists are eating all the time, and we need a more reliable food source. It might get better when the potatoes and rice can finally be harvested. I sure hope the colonists enjoy a vegetarian life style, because that’s what their getting.
Some time during the afternoon, a panther started hanging around the camp. I don’t like the way it’s looking at the colonists, but if the panther wants to sample Vlad, I won’t order anyone to stop it.
5th of Aprimay
Just before sunrise, Vlad’s wounds finally healed. He went off to mine some much-needed compacted steel.
It’s pouring down outside. That’s not a problem for Lidia, who is inside doing her drug research, but not so much fun for Vlad or Alice - who is busy sowing our new corn field. Hidden by the torrential rain, the panther is getting even closer to the camp.
I suspect that we should prioritize getting ready for new raiders, the next attack probably won’t be a lone, spiky haired guy with a club. But we also need a steady supply of food. Life as a stranded colonist isn’t easy.
I want to send Vlad out to hunt, but I have no idea where we hid his gun when he started to go a little crazy. He is still in a rather foul mood, so giving him a weapon probably isn’t the best idea anyway.
Fortunately, Alice discovered a dead wild boar not far from the camp, so there’s no need to send Vlad out to hunt. Hopefully, it didn’t die from anything contagious. On the way, Alice also stumbled across Vlad’s lost gun, which was laying in a bush.
Vlad is having psychite withdrawal, and his in a fowl mood. Walking around outside in the rain and the dark isn’t making things better.
6Th of Aprimay
Alice has started training a husky that’s hanging around the camp. In theory, that’s a great idea, since it can be very helpful. Unfortunately, she’s giving out our hard pressed meat. I’ve decided to look at it as an investment.
Vlad and Lidia went outside to hunt. Everything was OK, until a Cassowary attacked Lidia. It eventually knocked her unconscious. Vlad tried to save her, and the Cassowary attacked him as well. He finally manages to kill it, but at a cost. He’s got scratches or bites all over him. Nothing life threatening, but it certainly won’t help on Vlad’s rapidly deteriorating mood.
7th of Aprimay
Lidia is a real trooper. Still wounded from the Cassowary attack, she brought the carcass inside, and prepared a couple of meals from it.
The effort took its toll, though. Late in the evening, Lidia started to walk around in a psychotic state. All the blood on the floor inside probably pushed her over the edge. We can’t really prioritize cleaning the floors when we’re running dangerously low of food.
Still, I assigned Vlad, who is on the verge of suffering a mental breakdown down himself, to clean up the mess.
8th of Aprimay
We’ve spotted another raider not too far from the camp. Yet again, it’s just one guy with a club. I think we’ll stay inside, and hope he stumbles into one of the traps outside.
It turned out the raider was more clever than he looked. Instead of attacking, the he decided to set fire to our corn patch! I sent everyone out to beat his brains in, and they manage to subdue the raider without much effort. Vlad and Alice were also able to put out the fires.
In the evening, Alice (the mute) reported - through interpretive dancing - that our rice plants were finally ripe for harvest. I’d hoped that it would give us a break from the never-ending quest for food. But suddenly, a blight consumed about half the crops. Damn it!
9th of Aprimay
Some time last night, Alice got up to play horseshoes. Her friends were desperately trying to sleep, and she didn’t make it easy for them.
Around the same time Alice started to play horseshoes, an alpaca went mad. Fortunately, it was pretty far from the camp, and I hope it’ll eventually calm down. We need to keep an eye on it, though.
10th of Aprimay
The raging mad alpaca is outside, banging on the door. Vlad is also outside, hauling compacted steel. I radio him to deal with the alpaca, but before he can do anything, it calms down and leaves the camp site.
Around noon, there was a massive explosion outside! Knowing nothing about how nature works, we’ve put our camp too close to a geyser. It erupted, setting fire to everything around it. Part of that everything is our camp. At the same time, the damn alpaca got mad again, and attacked Vlad. Poor fella. He was knocked unconscious again (I’ve lost count). Alice was close by trying to domesticate two other alpacas, and ran to rescue him with her tiny little knife. I had to send Lidia outside as well, and together they managed to kill the raving beast.
After rescuing Vlad, Lidia finally finished her drug production research. The next step is to research the psychite refining so we can get Vlad the drugs he needs to get through the day.
Both Vlad and Alice is laying in bed, recovering from their wounds. Lidia is dedicating all her time to research. But someone needs to go outside to harvest the potato and rice plants.
11th of Aprimay
Another spiky haired motherfucker with a club showed up. Once again, we decided to stay inside and hope the traps take care of him. But, surprise, surprise, things didn’t go as planned. Alice’ husky Yury decides to attack the raider, and Alice joined the brawl. Eventually, they took down the raider, who we left to die in the scorching sun as a warning to all the other spiky haired idiots in the region.
In the late afternoon, a capybara went freaking mad. It must be something in the drinking water around here. The capybara started chasing Alice, who promptly ran inside.
Everyone is inside the compound now, which is good. But the damn animal is breaking down the door, which is bad.
The capybara situation kind of solved itself. Despite the injuries Yury got when he attacked the raider, the husky threw himself at the capybara, and chase it off. Good boy! He is such a good boy he now gets a designated sleeping spot in Alice’s terrible, terrible bedroom.
12th of Aprimay
Not finishing the capybara was a really bad idea. He came back, and knocked poor Vlad unconscious. Lidia went outside and finished it off. The capybara won’t bother us again, and we got a little raw meat as well. It’s a win-win! At least if we don’t consider that Vlad was knocked unconscious. Again.
13th of Aprimay
Lidia has finished her psychite refining drug research. It’s about time to fill Vlad up with drugs. I’m a afraid it’s a little too late, though. Vlad is about to fall into a deep depression, and I doubt that drugs will help him get any better. Quite the opposite.
Lidia’s next research project is passive cooling. It’s hot as fuck, both inside and outside, and we need a way to cool this place down.
14th of Aprimay
Vlad is dangerously close to breaking down. All he does it eat, sleep, and play horseshoe. In short, he’s not contributing much. To get Vlad sufficiently high to function, we’ve set up a drug lab. To produce the drugs, though, we need to grow some psychoid plants, and that’s a major issue. None of the colonists has skilled enough to grow the plants!
There’s a good chance Vlad will break sooner rather than later, so I’ve forced him out of bed to haul some steel back to the camp. He might as well do something useful before the goes off the cliff.
15th of Aprimay
And Vlad breaks down. All he is doing now is walking around aimlessly.
Just to top it off, an eclipse begins. I wonder how Vlad handles walking around in the darkness?
16th of Aprimay
It turned out the answer to the above question was “quite poorly”. Out of nowhere - well, perhaps we should have seen this coming - Vlad went stir crazy, and attacked Lidia. Alice came to her rescue, but since she has the fighting skills of a rotten potato, she was of absolutely no use. Vlad beat both of them unconscious, and then started to walk around aimlessly again.
17th of Aprimay
Both Alice and Lidia is slowly dying from the wounds Vlad gave them. Unable to take care of himself, he is now laying unconscious in the corn field. That’s how Vlad has spent most of his time since we crashed here: unconscious.
18th of Aprimay
All three are dead. Alice, Lidia, and Vlad all fought bravely to survive, but in the end it just wasn’t good enough. In less than three weeks, everything went to pretty bad to total catastrophe.
And thus ends The Second Tale of a Doomed Colony.
Cassandra Classic, the seed is “eugene”, 30% global coverage, normal rainfall, normal temperature. ↩︎