April One-liners

Here are a few additions to the collection:

  • I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.
  • Strong people don’t put others down. They lift them up and slam them on the ground for maximum damage.
  • Marriage is the main reason for divorce.
  • Escalators don’t break down. They just turn into stairs.
  • Intelligence is like an underwear. It is important that you have it, but not necessary that you show it off.
  • A liberal is just a conservative that hasn’t been mugged yet.
  • I bet you I could stop gambling.
  • Sometimes the first step to forgiveness, is realizing the other person was born an idiot.
  • Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.
  • I think that if I died and went straight to hell it would take me at least a week to realize I wasn’t at work anymore.
  • It takes patience to listen. It takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
  • Never marry a woman who was captain of the debate team.
  • My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
  • All the problems fade before a hangover.
  • The most beautiful makeup of a woman is passion. But cosmetics are easier to buy.
  • Cake: The answer, no matter the question.
  • Isn’t it weird how when a cop drives by you feel paranoid instead of protected?
  • I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon and a shot of tequila.

Feedback

Do you have any thoughts you want to share? A question, maybe? Or is something in this post just plainly wrong? Then please send an e-mail to vegard at vegard dot net with your input. You can also use any of the other points of contact listed on the About page.

Caution

It looks like you're using Google's Chrome browser, which records everything you do on the internet. Personally identifiable and sensitive information about you is then sold to the highest bidder, making you a part of surveillance capitalism.

The Contra Chrome comic explains why this is bad, and why you should use another browser.