Here are some additions to the ever-growing one-liners collection.

  • Talk is cheap. Until you hire a lawyer.
  • Sure, I’d love to help you out. Now, which way did you come in?
  • Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
  • All power corrupts. Absolute power is pretty neat, though.
  • Everybody repeat after me: “We are all individuals.”
  • Confession is good for the soul, but bad for your career.
  • A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
  • I want patience, and I want it now!
  • Am I ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
  • My conscience is clean — I have never used it.
  • Seen it all, done it all, can’t remember most of it.
  • Under my gruff exterior lies an even gruffer interior.
  • You have the capacity to learn from your mistakes, and you will learn a lot today.
  • Everything in moderation, including moderation.
  • Old age is always fifteen years older than you are.
  • It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better.
  • Never speculate on that which can be known for certain.