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March One-liners

Here are the March additions to the one-liners collection:

  • A word to the wise ain’t necessary – it’s the stupid ones that need the advice. — Bill Cosby
  • Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. — Jim Carrey
  • Food, love, career, and mothers, the four major guilt groups.  — Cathy Guisewite
  • Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.  — Mark Twain
  • I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and Fries. — Stephen King
  • I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me. — Warren Buffett
  • I never said most of the things I said.  — Yogi Berra
  • Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem. — Bill Vaughan
  • My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare. — Mike Myers
  • Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.  — Laurence J. Peter
  • Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours. — Ronald Reagan
  • Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m schizophrenic, and so am I. — Oscar Levant
  • There’s no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap. — Kevin James
  • TV is chewing gum for the eyes. — Frank Lloyd Wright
  • When I go to a bar, I don’t go looking for a girl who knows the capital of Maine. — David Brenner
  • Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.  — Benjamin Franklin

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