New one-liners for May 2018.
- Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing wrong with this, except that it ain’t so.
- The lack of money is the root of all evil.
- I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
- The Public is merely a multiplied “me.”
- A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.
- Forgive your enemy, but remember the bastard’s name.
- Help a man when he is in trouble, and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.
- Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to shoot them.
- Working in a mirror factory is something I can totally see myself doing.
- Dark humor is like love — not everyone gets it.
- How long is a Chinese name.
- He who hesitates is not only lost, but also miles away from the next exit.
- I once farted in an elevator, it was wrong on so many levels.
- Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it.
- The fact that there is a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic load.
- I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy.
- Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.