May One-Liners

New one-liners for May 2016.

Here are a few new one-liners I’ve added to the collection:

  • When in doubt, just do the opposite of whatever the person wearing pajamas in public is doing.
  • Sorry ladies, but I already got my eyes on a woman who’s not interested.
  • I just assume I do everything wrong since I don’t have a wife to confirm it.
  • I wish I could replace my central nervous system with a central confidence system.
  • When it comes to a war of wills, I’m no match for the last cookie.
  • Learn from your mistakes. Make better and better mistakes until you’re making the best mistakes possible.
  • Trust is the absolute most important thing in a relationship. You’ve gotta be 100% sure that she won’t tell your wife.
  • There should be a summer camp for adults where you just go and sleep for 3 weeks.
  • If I took the time to be embarrassed by my mistakes I’d never get anything else done.
  • One time I brought my kids to work with me and now my boss is way more tolerant of my drinking.


This post has no feedback yet.

Do you have any thoughts you want to share? A question, maybe? Or is something in this post just plainly wrong? Then please send an e-mail to vegard at vegard dot net with your input. You can also use any of the other points of contact listed on the About page.


It looks like you're using Google's Chrome browser, which records everything you do on the internet. Personally identifiable and sensitive information about you is then sold to the highest bidder, making you a part of surveillance capitalism.

The Contra Chrome comic explains why this is bad, and why you should use another browser.