New one-liners for May 2017.
Here are the new one-liners for May:
- I’d love to continue this conversation but I wasn’t listening.
- Sometimes I wish my conscience was unconscious.
- I wish I could visit longer, but I’ve got something trivial to do.
- A group of owls is called a parliament, which is strange because owls are quite intelligent.
- Twitter has taught me, if you have nothing important to say, say it anyway.
- I can tell Spring is almost here because I’m on the verge of wanting to kill myself, but I’d also like to plant some bulbs.
- Tomorrow is a big day for me at work. They are refilling the snack vending machine.
- Gambling: The sure way to get nothing for something.
- I’ll clean the house when the last kid has moved out.
- If I ever go missing, before calling the police, please check between my bed and the wall.
- Sometimes I tell people I’m an introvert just so they don’t expect me to talk to them again.
- I’m Irish. You’re not really speaking my language until you start yelling.
- Continental breakfasts should be served on tectonic plates.
- I’d like to test the theory that money can’t buy you happiness.
- My wife just threatened to kill me in my sleep, which seems much less horrifying than being killed wide awake. She’s always been thoughtful.
- I can’t tell if the zombie apocalypse has started or the office coffee maker is broken.
- I’m too antisocial to answer the door when opportunity knocks.
- I bet raccoons look at garbage trucks the same way I look at taco trucks.
- I’m at my most amazing when no one is paying attention.
- We’re all strangers here, some are just stranger than others.
- Being an open book isn’t helpful if you surround yourself with a bunch of illiterates.
This post has no feedback yet.
Do you have any thoughts you want to share? A question, maybe? Or is something in this post just plainly wrong? Then please send an e-mail to
vegard at vegard dot net with your input. You can also use any of the other points of contact listed on the About page.
It looks like you're using Google's Chrome browser, which records everything you do on the internet. Personally identifiable and sensitive information about you is then sold to the highest bidder, making you a part of surveillance capitalism.
The Contra Chrome comic explains why this is bad, and why you should use another browser.