A few more one-liners were added today:
- Everyone leaves the world a little better – some by leaving.
- “Never waste a lie when the truth will do.” – Jack Clancy
- Trying is failing with honors.
- Never interrupt your enemy while they are making a mistake.
- Send lawyers, guns and money!
- Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
- If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably
- No one dies a virgin, life screws them all.
- There are two types of people – those who divide people into two types, and those who don’t.
- There are three types of people – those who can count and those who can’t.
- 99% of lawyers are giving the rest a bad name.
- Between two evils always pick the one you haven’t tried.
- Hey Santa, how much for your list of naughty girls?
- Optimist: Someone without much experience.
- The Stock Market always does what you think it will, but rarely when.
- “Stupidity, if left untreated, is self-correcting.” – Heinlein
- The problem with the future is it turns into the present.
- No life is totally wasted, one can always be a bad example.
- Welcome to Hell. Here’s your copy of Windows ME.
- Criminal Lawyer – a redundant phrase.
- Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.
- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
- Half the people you know are below average.
- if we don’t protect freedom of speech, we will never know who the assholes are.
I’ve removed the quotation on some of the old one-liners because it has turned out I might have credited the wrong sources. Thanks to everyone who sent me e-mails with new one-liners and corrections.