It’s the first of the month, which means there’s time to add some more one-liners to the ever-growing collection. The majority of the one-liners this month is lifted form Mr. One-Liner.

  • The best exercise is to reach down and pull somebody up.
  • The safest place during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.
  • “Money can’t buy happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places.” - Milton Berle
  • Sterility is not hereditary.
  • Rugby is a game played by gentlemen with odd shaped balls.
  • “A mistake is simply another way of doing things.” - Katharine Graham
  • You know you’re into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you exercise.
  • There’s a big difference between good sound reasons, and reasons that sound good.
  • “I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.” - Bill Cosby
  • I never turn my back on my friends, I don’t trust them that much.
  • “Things turn out best for those who make the best of the way things turn out.” - John Wooden
  • “Tell me what you need and I’ll tell you how to get along without it.” - Scott Adams
  • “A fool and his money are soon elected.” - Will Rogers
  • “To err is human. To blame someone else is politics.” - Hubert H. Humphrey
  • You can tell the quality of a person by how they treat people they don’t need.
  • If money won’t make you happy, you won’t like poverty either.
  • “Don’t compromise yourself, you’re all you’ve got.” - Janis Joplin
  • When it comes to giving, some people stop at nothing.
  • “Medical insurance is what allows people to be ill at ease.” - Alfred E. Neuman
  • “If opera is entertainment, then falling off a roof is transportation.” - Alfred E. Neuman