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November One-liners.

Here are the new one-liners for November:

  • I’ve found that people tend to leave you alone after they’ve seen you eat mashed potatoes out of your coat pocket.
  • My kids get along great when they’re sleeping.
  • Always be yourself. Unless you can be quiet, then be that.
  • Call me a hoarder all you want, but there’s over 700 hours of free AOL on these discs.
  • Time moving too slowly for you? Schedule something you don’t want to do and it’ll speed right up.
  • The tea party my toddler invited me to feels more like a hostage situation.
  • Posting opinions on the internet is like fishing for people to tell you how wrong you are.
  • I’m tired of people assuming I’ve got a good personality because I’m ugly.
  • Why are stupid people so confident?
  • I miss the days when FarmVille updates were the most offensive thing you could post on Facebook.
  • A sane person to an insane society must appear insane.
  • Only fossils should have their minds set in stone.
  • For someone who hates the circus, I sure have dated a lot of clowns.
  • Sure it sounds bad when you phrase it exactly the way it happened.
  • The problem with teaching children to think for themselves is they might come to disagree with us.

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