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October One-liners.

Here are the new one-liners for October:

  • In 20 years, I bet there’s going to be a college course called “Eye contact 101”.
  • I just hired a private investigator to find out what I do all day.
  • Skiing is probably the most expensive way to fall down a mountain.
  • My bed is a magical place where i suddenly remember everything i need to do.
  • Saying the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results, is called parenting.
  • Just because I’m smiling doesn’t necessarily mean that I like you. I might be picturing you on fire.
  • I’d be willing to sleep my way to the top if it actually meant sleeping.
  • None of my friends laugh at any of my jokes because cats can only meow.
  • Sorry I’m late. I was trying to think of ways to get out of this.
  • The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
  • Let me make this simple: I want to be invited but I don’t want to go.
  • Damn girl, are you a magnet? Cos I was attracted to you until you turned around!
  • Relax. It’s going to get much worse.
  • Judge people on how they treat others when they’re hungry.
  • “This bag of potato chips is pure chaos! Something must be done about this!” – Inventor of Pringles
  • If you love someone, set them free. Then, text them 50 times a day, telling them how much you love them and how they’re now free.
  • I’m not a stalker, I’m an unpaid private investigator.

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