New one-liners for October 2019.
- “To some its a six-pack, to me its a support group.” - Leo Durocher
- Hard work is its own reward, but wouldn’t you rather have the money?
- “If you can’t get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you’d best teach it to dance.” - George Bernhard Shaw
- If I can be of any help, you’re in worse shape than I thought.
- I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
- I wouldn’t be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
- “When all men think alike, no one thinks very much.” - Walter Lipman
- If you do something you’ll regret in the morning, sleep till noon.
- I always give waiters a tip, but they never seem to appreciate my advice.
- Speaking your mind isn’t the same thing as using it.
- “A movie critic is like a legless man who teaches running.” - Channing Pollock
- “I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.” - Woody Allen
- “By doing just a little every day, I can gradually let the task overwhelm me.” - Ashleigh Brilliant
- It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown, and fewer still to ignore someone completely.
- My ex-wife’s other car is a broom.
- If you think there is good in everybody, then you obviously haven’t met everybody.
- “The purpose of life is a life of purpose.” - Robert Byrne
- “The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it.” - Terri Garey
- People will follow your footsteps more readily than they will follow you advice.
- How do you expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older?
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