One-liners

Funny one-liners, the ultimate collection! This is the complete listing of all the funny one-liners you see on the bottom of every page. Enjoy more than 2000 funny one-liners.

  

Powered by MailChimp.

«    1 of 206    »

Make a firm decision now. You can always change it later.

When all else fails, lower your standards.

You can’t be late until you show up.

Good judgment comes from experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

Time is never wasted when you are wasted all the time.

I fought the lawn and the lawn won.

I don’t mind the rat race, but I could do with a little more cheese.

Never buy a Rolex from someone who is out of breath.

Don’t ever confuse an open mind with one that’s vacant.

The number of people watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

«    1 of 206    »

Click here to get brand new one-liners in your inbox every month!