Funny one-liners, the ultimate collection! This is the complete listing of all the funny one-liners you see on the bottom of every page. They are listed in the opposite order of when they were added. So the most recent additions are listed first. Do you know a good one-liner that’s not listed here? Please send it to me.


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In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol – It was the worst 20 minutes of my life.

— George Best

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.

People shouldn’t be afraid of their government. Governments should be afraid of their people.

— Alan Moore

Whatever you do always give 100 %, unless you’re donating blood.

My life is a constant shift between trying to fall asleep and trying to wake up.

Someone is going to be that guy that dies a few minutes before we discover immortality.

Some people dress to impress, some people undress to impress.

If a guy remembered your eye color after the first date, then you probably have small breasts.

Bad choices often turn into good stories.

An architect’s dream is an engineer’s nightmare.

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