Funny one-liners, the ultimate collection! This is the complete listing of all the funny one-liners you see on the bottom of every page. They are listed in the opposite order of when they were added. So the most recent additions are listed first. Do you know a good one-liner that’s not listed here? Please send it to me.


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I wonder how many chameleons snuck on to the Ark.

— Adam Hess

A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men’s singles event.

— Angela Barnes

!false (It’s funny because it’s true.)

I have such a high regard for the truth that I use it sparingly.

— Timothy Connor

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.

— Bill Watterson

Life is too complicated in the morning.

They told me I was gullible, and I believed them.

A politician is the one who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.

It is okay to visit your past just don’t bring any luggage with you.

Sometimes we all have days where we are 386’s in a P4 world.

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