Funny one-liners, the ultimate collection! This is the complete listing of all the funny one-liners you see on the bottom of every page. They are listed in the opposite order of when they were added. So the most recent additions are listed first.



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Never trust a dog to watch your food.

Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it.

— Mark Twain

I thought about getting a tattoo, but decided to yell “look at me!” everywhere I went instead.

Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.

— Mark Twain

Every morning when I open the front door to leave for work, I tell my dog to stay, and every time I wish it were the other way around.

Why kill time when you can make it work for you?

My wife says I can join your gang but I have to be home by 9.

Have hope for the future, but maybe build a bomb shelter anyway.

I was addicted to the hokey pokey. But thankfully, I turned myself around.

Don’t trust atoms, they make up everything.

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