Funny one-liners, the ultimate collection! This is the complete listing of all the funny one-liners you see on the bottom of every page. Enjoy more than 2000 funny one-liners.


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Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.

— Ann Landers

The best way to get rid of a telemarketer is to ask them what they are wearing.

People tell me I’m childish but I think they’re just being poopyheads.

Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

It is important to stay cool, but be sure to not get frostbite.

A spouse is someone who’ll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn’t have had if you’d stayed single.

What goes around usually gets dizzy and falls over.

A job is nice but it interferes with my life.

“The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any.” — Fred Astaire

Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it.

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