One-liners

Funny one-liners, the ultimate collection! This is the complete listing of all the funny one-liners you see on the bottom of every page. Enjoy more than 2000 funny one-liners.

  

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Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but of playing a poor hand well.

The main trouble with mental notes is the ink fades so fast.

If you canโ€™t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

— George Carlin

Money canโ€™t buy happiness, but it can take you to a lot more places to look for it.

You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses.

— Abraham Lincoln

If you are what you eat, Iโ€™m dead meat.

In life, you have two choices: get over it or die with it on your mind.

My mind is like concrete: thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.

We cannot put off living until we are ready.

— Jose Ortega y Gasset

I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

— Lily Tomlin
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