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September One-liners.

It’s been a while now, but here are some new one-liners for September:

  • I’m saving my abstinence for marriage.
  • Relationships are easier if one of you is a cake.
  • I’ll show you mine if you show me tequila.
  • I called roadside assistance, but they didn’t want to hear about my problems unless it had to do with my car.
  • I thought reverse psychology was when you made your therapist cry.
  • Happy 10th birthday to your dating profile pic.
  • The best part about working in an office is that if you ever forget that you got a haircut, someone will definitely point it out to you.
  • Told my wife I wanted our kids every other weekend and she reminded me that we’re married and live together, so I’d have to see them every day.
  • I put the “sexy” in Dyslexic.
  • Please go play with your brother. That’s basically the reason we had him.
  • I’m typically attracted to guys who look like I’ll need therapy after dating them.
  • 70% of our planet is covered in water, the other 30% is covered in idiots.
  • So apparently RSVP’ing back to a wedding invite “maybe next time” isn’t the correct response.

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