It’s been a while now, but here are some new one-liners for September:
- I’m saving my abstinence for marriage.
- Relationships are easier if one of you is a cake.
- I’ll show you mine if you show me tequila.
- I called roadside assistance, but they didn’t want to hear about my problems unless it had to do with my car.
- I thought reverse psychology was when you made your therapist cry.
- Happy 10th birthday to your dating profile pic.
- The best part about working in an office is that if you ever forget that you got a haircut, someone will definitely point it out to you.
- Told my wife I wanted our kids every other weekend and she reminded me that we’re married and live together, so I’d have to see them every day.
- I put the “sexy” in Dyslexic.
- Please go play with your brother. That’s basically the reason we had him.
- I’m typically attracted to guys who look like I’ll need therapy after dating them.
- 70% of our planet is covered in water, the other 30% is covered in idiots.
- So apparently RSVP’ing back to a wedding invite “maybe next time” isn’t the correct response.
