China Happy Love

China is an interesting place, there’s no doubt about that. Not only is the 80% of the Chinese shorter than the average European, meaning that you can enjoy the scenery no matter how many people is standing in front of you – and considering the number of Chinese, someone is always standing in front of you – they have also invented a clever Love Kit for the active business man.

The hotel I stayed at while in Shenzhen is a typical business hotel, so the staff make sure everything the typical Chinese business man may need is easily available to him. At the third floor they have a typical karaoke bar with all the extras – you know what kind of extras I’m talking about – and in the room bathrooms, you find The Love Kit:

Chinese Love Kit

The day I checked out, I took a complete kit with me. Let’s have a closer look at it.

Chinese Love Kit Magic TowelMagic Towel You have probably seen “magic” towels and clothing before. Simply unwrap, add water and there you have a brand new towel or a piece of clothing. The problem with the towel is that since you add water, you’ll have to wait until it dries before you can use it.
Chinese Love Kit Magic ShuShuang UnderwearShuShuang Underwear I haven’t opened the package, but I don’t think there is anything magical about this one, it’s probably just a piece of cheap – about 60 cents – underwear.
Chinese Love Kit Kiss-BKiss-B Mouthwash with special formulas for him and her. The English translation on the package: “When you and your lover are kissing crazily, if there comes the unpleasantly peculiar smell of smoke or alcohol, halitosis or germs, etc., Wouldn’t the romance be cut down? Take it easy! Why not use Kiss-B? Kiss-B Mouthwash is a medicinal preparation made of thirteen rare Chinese medicines. It can help men and women to produce more salvia and amylase so as to get a more enchanting feel. The only-for-men Kiss-B Mouthwash can quickly clear away the white spots on the membrane in the mouth, get rid of dirt and clear out grease. The only-for-women Kiss-B Mouthwash can not only clear away peculiar smell, but also prevent the symptom out of using lipstick. Kiss-B Mouthwash will leave you a pink and romantic memory!”
Chinese Love Kit Yrenbao TissueYrenbao Tissue Also for him and her: “This product his specially designed for washing men’s genitals. As pure Chinese medicinal preparation, it can quickly kill any kinds of latent germs and pathgen. It’s suitable for using at home, on trip, or in swimming, especially before or after sexual intercourse. It can prevent any infectious diseases. Directions: Use this product on and around the pudenda by massaging for 2-3 minutes, the rinse with clean water and wipe with a pasteurized wet towel. It can get a better effort to be used in bath.” The best thing about this product is that it’s a “53rd of Miss World Final Appointed Product”.
Chinese Love Kit ReinsReins From the package it’s not very easy to understand what this is, but the description says it all and then some: “Reins is a unique vibrator for use on the penis, intensifying sexual pleasure and allowing both you and your partner to climax at the same time. The condom is promotes safe and responsible sex. The condom is a latex product, with spermicidal properties and conforms to EU standards”.
Chinese Love Kit Pleasure UpPleasure Up A condom with the catchy name Pleasure Up: “Pleasure while protecting you! Feel better than wearing nothing!” Here’s what one user says: “The stimulation was ever greater than without a condom. I usually do not like condom, but I do like this one.” It’s also launched in the US to “American media raves!” Men’s Health writes “A must-try”, while New York Times calls it “A triumph of excess”.

It’s everything you need for a perfect night wrapped up in one small package!

Honey, I’m Home!

I guess it’s time for a small update.

As you probably understand I made it safely back home from China. No delays, and flying via Helsinki, Finland is much better than flying via Amsterdam or Paris because it’s a shorter flight. The airport in Helsinki is a mess, though, I suspect that it was designed by two Finnish alcoholic crack addicts. But in spite of their frequent attempts to lead me into dead ends and towards the wrong gates, I finally found my flight back to Oslo.

After over two years in the same shared apartment, I’m now planning to move out. I’ve started to look for a new place, and this time I’m buying an apartment of my own. I’m told that July and August are good months because people are on vacation and that it’s more of a buyers market, at least compared to for instance August.

My savings account isn’t exactly overflowing with money, so I have to ask the bank for cash. At the moment they are practically throwing money at people, so that won’t really be a problem. The pitfall can be to borrow too much money from them and end up in a bit of a pickle if the interest rates go through the roof. Hopefully, my contact at the bank will tell me what’s smart and what’s not.

Today I came across an OS X-only application that I really, really liked. The name is CoverFlow and It’s a new graphical front end for the program that we all love to hate, iTunes. CoverFlow let’s you browse through your CD collection by displaying the album covers as if they were in your CD rack.


Also worth mentioning is that a new beta version of AdiumX has been released. Worth a look if you’re on OS X. If you’re not, I laugh at you.

Sleepless in Shenzhen

I’m now back from Beijing, after another delayed flight – this time only about two hours. On the way to Shenzhen we flew past a lot of huge thunderstorms. Some of them were so massive they spanned the entire horizon and there were continuous lightning in them. Observing lightning from a semi-safe distance at night can be quite fascinating, seeing it connect from one cloud to another. Unfortunately, the Kodak moment conditions on an aircraft is not ideal because of the double windows and the aircraft was also shaking somewhat violently at times.

I’ve made some interesting observations regarding the Chinese work day. It starts at nine in the morning and lasts until six in the evening. That’s nine hours, which is one hour more than the average Norwegian work day and confirms the image we have of Chinese as hard working. But hang on a second. They sleep for an hour during the day, from one to two in the afternoon. Then you can find them scattered around at the office, on the couch, on the floor and at their desks – resting their heads on the keyboard.

The guys I’m visiting are working half day on Saturday (or – “for you we work whole Saturday”), so they are kind of making up for it that way, but I don’t think the half-Saturday thing goes for the whole of China. In Beijing, for instance, I met someone who told me – in rather good Chingelish – that they had both Saturday and Sunday off.

It’s interesting to see what happens if they don’t get their afternoon nap. My Chinese sidekick is a good example. After lunch, at around one in the afternoon, he’ll completely lose focus and start to mumble uncontrollably in both Chinese and English. Then he’ll snap out of it for a few seconds before he slips back into the void. This usually lasts for about half an hour before he’s back to normal.

But all this said, he’s a hard very working fella – so are all of the guys in his team – they should get all the sleep they can.

Air China

Yesterday I left Shenzhen for Beijing, a flight that usually takes about three hours, this time the aircraft was able to get to its destination in a a little over ten hours.

We boarded the aircraft about 30 minutes before takeoff as usual. Then, after the boarding was completed, the cabin crew announced that there would be a short delay because of bad weather conditions en route. Fair enough, but the short delay soon became a longer delay and after two hours we were still stuck on the plane. After almost three hours, the aircraft finally backed away from the gate and taxied to the runway. Positioned for takeoff on the runway, the plane raced the engines, had its takeoff clearance cancelled and was called off the runway.

This, of course, was not something the Chinese passengers liked very much, and there was not that many smiles to see in the cabin when it was announced a further two to three hours delay. It became so heated, in fact, that the cabin crew decided to throw everyone off the plane and send them back to the gate. At the gate we were met by people from both the airport and the airline, who blamed each other for the delay. As it turned out, the weather conditions were acceptable for flying now, but our flight has been pushed so far back in queue for takeoff it would still take a few more hours before we could leave for Beijing.

Once again, not the most popular announcement, and some of the passenger got even more pissed. Thanks to modern technology, I give you my 2 minute short movie “Angry Chinese Air China Passengers at Shenzhen Airport“. It’s recorded with my cellular, and requires that you have a 3GP compliant player installed, like QuickTime. Enjoy 2 minutes of social documentary.

Maybe an hour or so after we were allowed back on the plane, it taxied to the runway and took off. So, finally, after ten hours of plain (pun intended) fun, our Air China flight finally arrived in Beijing. I think I prefer the weather here compared to Shenzhen. The temperature is about the same, but it’s not as humid so you don’t start to sweat like a pig the moment you go outside.

And Thanks For All The Shrimp

I guess it’s time for a quick update from the Far East.

On Tuesday morning I crossed the border into mainland China, a process that went surprisingly well. Long queues, yes, but Chinese efficiency quickly cleared everyone and I was not pulled to the side and presented with the rubber glove. Certainly a good thing.

I’ve learned a new Chinese (Mandarin) word, the word for “shrimp” – “sha”, probably not spelled right by I think that’s the way to pronounce it. This brings the words in my Chinese vocabulary up to a total number of three and I’m now capable of surviving on shrimp for a long period of time: “Ni hao (hello)”!. “Sha (shrimp)”. “Xie xie (thank you)”! My relation to Chinese food is still pretty much the same as it was the last time; close eyes and try not to think about what the stuff inside might be. The good news is that I’m getting better with the chopsticks, now my host is not asking for a fork for me at every restaurant we eat.

It’s one in the night here now, so it’s about time to go to sleep. Tomorrow I’m leaving for Beijing and will return to Shenzhen on Tuesday evening for more training and business meetings.

I’d like to thank the genius creators of Skype for enabling me to talk to Gine back in Norway for 15 minutes for just under €2. I called her on her cellular and I can’t even imagine the price I would have had to pay if I were to call her from my cellular from China.

Good night.