DARK DOG IS GOOD 4 U! That’s not me talking, that’s the creators of DARK DOG who desperately tries to get your attention, both on their website and on the can. Look, they are only using capital letters. And they substituted “for” with 4 and “you” with U. So now we know they are an effective and cool bunch in touch with the kids. In many ways, they remind me very much of UMMBA!. And like that trademark, DARK DOG can’t quite agree with itself whether it’s DARK DOG or Dark Dog, but I’m going to stick with DARK DOG here since all caps seems to be their thing. The company behind DARK DOG presents the beverage as a “guarana and vitamin” energy drink. There is no explicit mentioning of caffeine in the description, but the can still contains the usual 32mg/100ml caffeine. DARK DOG energy drinks contain the caffeine of guarana, which is supposedly much better for the stomach than the synthetic caffeine used in most other energy drinks.
The can is bright yellow, has a red stay-tab, and stands out like a construction worker on the store shelve. I’m sure you’ll be able to find it, no matter how exhausted or drunk you are. My box has “imported” written on it. At first, I thought it was there just to make the packaging feel a little more exclusive, but then I realized it’s because the can is actually imported – I bought it in Sweden, DARK DOG is manufactured in Austria. The can design also sports a rabid, mean-looking dog and if you’re picking up a DARK DOG after a few shrooms, you might end up having a bad trip because of that dog. In general – as you can see from the picture of the can – the design is a massive mess. It looks like the designer tried to cram as much crap onto the can as he possible could, and while he might have succeeded in that, the end result is confusing.
It’s sweet like candy. That’s exciting. No sarcasm here, honestly. It’s a welcome change from most of the other energy drinks I’ve been having lately. To be honest, I’m just happy this isn’t another godawful attempt on a generic Red Bull rip-off.
First sip from the can
It comes as not big surprise that the taste doesn’t manage to follow up on the promises of the smell. There’s not much taste at all and the fizz is almost non-existent. The parts of my mouth that the first sip touched immediately feel numb. Is it all the sugar, or am I having a stroke? I hope for the former, but fear the latter1. There is some aftertaste, a faint berry sensation.
Taste from a glass
A taste from the glass is pretty much the same as the taste from the can, I’m afraid. The rest of my mouth goes numb and most of it fills up with that sugary-slime we energy drink connoisseurs all know and love.
In the glass, DARK DOG looks just like any other energy drink. There’s hardly any fizz to speak of, but the first sip from the can gave that away already.
After 5 minutes
My, oh, my. This is a disaster. There is nothing in DARK DOG that makes me want the experience to last any longer than it absolutely has to. Instead, I take a deep breath, and empty the rest of the can in one go.