I spent my first working day of the week in Bergen, where it didn’t rain for a change. Instead it snowed.
On my way back home I was struck by a horrible thought – I realized that Norway is about to be overrun by foreigners. These foreigners come from a country much closer than you probably think. To the naked eye they might not even look like foreigners. But they are. They’re Swedes!
For many years it’s been a known fact that Swedes are taking over the waiter/waitress business in Oslo. It’s a very clever way to start. They get us drunk, then they subliminally plant pro-Swedish ideas in our subconscious by playing Swedish music in our bars, clubs and pubs. “Jag Vill Ooa Hela Natten”. “It’s the Final Countdown”. But to what? Lately, it has become even more obvious that their plan is to take over our beloved country, and the are acting less discreetly about it, too. If you pass someone talking on the sidewalk, there’s a good chance they’ll be talking Swedish. When I flew to Bergen this morning, one of the stewards was a Swede – employed by a Norwegian airline – desperately trying to hide his accent. He failed miserably. When taking the airport express train back to Oslo, the ticket collector was from Sweden. This guy didn’t even try to hide it a little bit. They have already taken our bars, clubs and pubs. The next step is to take control of public transportation, something they’re on their good way of doing. And they’ve already filled our homes with cheap, efficient, do-it-yourself furniture.
The final step in their plan is to create an army of Swedish babes who will breed with Norwegian males to totally wipe out the ethnical Norwegian. They have already started this. Not long ago Hans Olav fell into the trap – he has hooked up with a Swedish girl. The plan is as brilliant as it is scary – how many guys can resist a beautiful, sweet-talking, blond girl who looks good in a tennis outfit? Very, very few…
When you’ve all turned into zombies, constantly mumbling “jättekul” on your way home from IKEA in your Volvo station wagon with even more cheap, efficient, do-it-yourself furniture, don’t say you didn’t hear it here first.
Do any of you guys know where I misplaced my tinfoil hat?